u know u love me xoxo :)

love

2011-07-29T16:11:00.000+08:00

my eleventh month with love. <3

update.

2011-03-19T18:42:00.000+08:00

It's been soooooo long since i updated.
Well time flies and things change.
Life full of ups & downs.
But one thing for sure, i have the best people around and including danial farihin. Blessed and glad he's mine (:

2010-11-21T22:23:00.001+08:00

he says :

' your life with me is gonna be awesome baby (: i hope. '

' i'm gonna shower youu with lots of love babyy, kisses, hugs and most importantly
chocolate cakes. '

i love you baby< 3

falling for you everyday. alamak so mushy. heh

2010-11-20T00:59:00.003+08:00

i know we just met ! but i fucking miss you so much
today i went ga-ga over you cause you're so beautifully pretty.
i had fun watching harry potter with you and friends.
i'm still crazy of you still about today. i don't know why. heh i'm mad.

i love you pretty woman ♥

- danial farihin

ps : so long ah you never check blog :(

You Know I Love You :D

2010-11-11T23:19:00.002+08:00

i know i have so much free time updating here instead of my own blog ! :D

hey hey, do you know that i miss you so much right now ?
you must be sleeping now since you didn't reply my text !
in any case, it's 11.21pm, november the eleventh ! :D

oh yes baby, i love you so damn much <3
see you soon !

by : danial farihin ~

anger

2010-11-09T10:49:00.000+08:00

Y'all aren't friends but a bunch of hypocrite. I know it's true.

things happen for a reason.

2010-11-07T17:48:00.000+08:00

All I'm hearing now is regret.
Shh.

& I love my boyfriend. <3

Ohoh and gangsterism is not cool.

just the way you are.

2010-11-02T00:52:00.002+08:00

its amazing how someone can make you fall everyday.

it is wrong to fall for someone so deeply ? sometimes i wonder why i do, even though we are two months old, maybe because I've liked you for quite some time, but was in denial.

thank you for spending my birthday with me baby. thank you for the ben & jerry's. thank you for making me laugh like almost every single second.

even now, i miss you so darn much. and i actually wanted to talk otp with you longer but you were sick so thats why i let you go to bed. :( get well soon babyyy. i wanna meet you soon too.

sighs, i love you like really alot & it feels so surreal and so different. (< 3)

goodnightmares.

robot

2010-10-31T00:19:00.000+08:00

Wouldn't it be nice to have a robot who would just listen to every problems you have and they won't get tired of it? All they do is listen till to whatever you have in mind. Until you get tired.
How useless am I feeling right now ? Like me.

I'll never leave you miserable all alone~

Goodnighttt.
Triple one is coming.

2010-10-29T20:21:00.001+08:00

okay. I'm pms-ing. I know. I can so feel it right now. Cause I'm being a unreasonable, ungrateful bitch right now. And all I wanna do is cry when all I usually sometimes do is don't bother. So really this pms is really making me look stupid. Urghhhhhh.
I dint mean any ungrateful shit I said earlier. Like about her and all.
Okay really lets just let himym deal with my pms.

I can feel it. Urghhhhhh, annoying muchhhhh? Okay get away from me people.

& Happy 2nd month baby.

2010-10-27T13:56:00.001+08:00

i wanna grow old with youuuu~

i'm sleepy and i wanna sleep.
And i miss fatty.

Goodbye.

paper heart

2010-10-22T19:26:00.001+08:00

I wish I was the best thing that ever happened to you, cause you are the best thing that's ever happened to me ~

Boo, I'm bored. All I ever did was.. Lie in bed. So useless life I have. Boo, I miss my sister.

I don't feel good. And if I were to fall sick, w/o my sister around, I won't know what to do. Most Prolly I won't even bother about it, there are certain times I would fall sick, but I'm a really stubborn person, I don't wanna get it checked. It will heal itself. The only time I visit the doctor is when I'm really sick. Like that ball in my neck incident. That made my temperature go up to nearly 40. I was really weak. And I fainted. I rarely get sick. and even if I feel abit weird now, I won't even bother. Haha, ill be better in no time.

I have abit of a problem of letting history go. Its gonna fuck my present if this persists.

my birthday is coming soon. Can we just move to 2 november straight but I still turn eighteen? too many things happened this year made me feel like my birthday gonna be a disastrous one. Its on monday anyways. So prolly like any normal day aye.

Boo, I don't know what to do already.

Change your mind you let go too soon ~

boo you. E63

2010-10-22T05:20:00.002+08:00

ah crap. Fuckfuckfuck.
My e63 battery is gonna get spoiled I think. I just finished charging it and its freaking telling me battery low. fcuk you.
I really don't need this phone to have problems okay. I love this phone sia. Asssss.

I really hope I'm able to wake up for breakfast, mac hotcakes. Cause it would really cheer me up now. My head hurts so freaking bad. And this battery problem is not helping.
Holy shit. :'(

And also, I really have no comments except. Boo, Negativity. Shucks man, Isuckkkkk. Boo.:(
hsjhdskdd. Annoying phone, annoying brain, annoying me. Cb.

Pardon me for the excessive use of vulgraties, but really I hate seeing my phone as such and all.

My head hurts so bad, goodnight.

update.

2010-10-19T01:12:00.003+08:00

boo. i miss this adorable boy so badly. i know i'm meeting him later. but.. i'm used to having him awake at this timing, but he has school now, so of course he has to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. ♥♥

oh well. :(

re-edit at 3.30am.

you know, i'm the type who thinks really deep and thinks too much when i'm alone. and when i start, its hard to stop. then sometimes, i'll start to be so negative about myself. i hate that, but that's how i am.

i thought about the past. i know past is past, but somehow history is still what had happened and history sometimes repeats. history sometimes are hard to forget too. and i thought. really hard, so negatively and i started to compare. you wouldn't want to know how lowly i compared myself to her. really. through this thinking, i know some things that you may not thought i would know. don't ask me why, but really the fact just slipped in my mind and i knew it was true. but too bad that's how i am.

and then i thought. alot.

i really wish i was able to make you happy just as easy as she did.

i wished i was better.

i really wish i ............ oh man, i don't know how to spill this shit out, without actually stating down what i realised. oh pooo me, im really annoying at times with this shit. but. i cant help it, cause really i thought very lowly of myself which made me like this. damnnn, i should've watched a video or smth instead of thinking. okay this is nonsensical. i got to shutup.

breebreebree i miss my cousins. eyer, everybody is so busy with stuffs.

and my holidays is ending soon, sooooooooooooooo long to sleeping late and waking up late. boo, if school was nearer i would love it. but really i hate school. but how sad that life depends on education.

and lastly, i'm a lost child who has no idea where she is gonna go.

goodnight.

lovely.

2010-10-05T01:29:00.000+08:00

Your voice melts my frigging heart. :)

2010-09-29T23:27:00.003+08:00

my heart feels so weirdly broken. But hey its all my fault. Haha, I'm okay. Really I am.
Sometimes I thank him for making me such a strong girl. And also I thank him for ending it all. See who came into my life now. An awesome fatty molecule. Someday I wish to pinch your fats just to wake you up. Hees, nightmares.

danial Farihin's

2010-09-29T02:49:00.004+08:00

happy one month my bf.
Hee, I miss you so damn much leh, nearly 2 weeks never meet, damn. Heh.

You fatty, I love you. From strangers to best close friends, four months ago, became someone so important.

Thank you for everything baby. Be sure, I will make you happy(!
Wished could make it longer but I'm falling asleep alr.

<3

morning.

2010-09-28T11:32:00.001+08:00

Me miss my mummy:(
Seeing hospital or being in one reminds me of her, no matter which hospital I'm in.
She's a pretty lady. My sister got her looks I bet. Me.. People say I'm just like her. So the type who keeps to myself and keeps quiet. Hard to believe.
Coming to 10 years now. How time flies. I don't have many memories cause I was young. Maybe just one or two. I don't really know her well I guess. But I know she's an awesome mother. I heard stories. I was young back then. And I have short term memory.
Sitting in my kitchen while eating or just sitting there always reminds me of her.

Mummmmyyyyy I miss youu. I don't know how you'll cheer me up when I'm down or sad, cause I bet you know what an emotional brat I am. But I bet you'll do an awesome job. My sister is doing a good job in taking care of me as that was what you told her to do bfre everything.

Why this random topic? No idea cause I felt like I nver really talked about her much, I guess.

Ooh half an hour more to rest. Then off to get ready to the hospital. Four more daaaaaaaaays. Woohoo & boohoo at the same time. Heh. I'm so gonna miss some of my patientssssssssss. Missy me yo Liao!

sighs, everybody's enjoying their holidays. Mine coming soon. I bet I won't enjoy my holidays. Cause what am I gonna do? Who am I gonna go out with? Everybody so busyyy. Ish sodeh.

finally.

2010-09-28T03:14:00.000+08:00

It was me all along.
" Nobody does, it shows." It broke my heart so badly. It tears me up for hours.
Really shows how selfish I am. Shows how bad I am. Shows how sucky I am.

He's a good bf. I just don't know what's my problem till that sentence.

Goodnight. I love you baby. I really do. I've really lost my appetite to eat. Goodbye cooked ramen. Goodnights.

good moments don't last forever.

2010-09-27T22:23:00.002+08:00

another post, dint want mix with the previous one cause its a two different story.

Firstly, attachment is kinda tiring, but seriously I would miss my patients. Some patient which I'm close too, were discharged during the weekends and its sad, I dint get to say goodbye. This may not be the profession I had in mind at first. But since I'm here, why bother thinking and regretting, might as well make the best out of it right?

Secondly, bad feelings sucks right? The last bad feeling I had came true. The feeling was that I was gonna get hurt. And I did a few months ago. Not saying I'm psychic or anything, but my bad feelings usually came true. And this time I have a feeling that I'm gonna get hurt again. Sighs, I just don't know. Boo this sucks, knowing something's gonna hurt you real bad. :(

A few months back, I thought telling the truth would hurt, but not knowing would hurt worser. But right now, somehow I felt like I shouldn't have known anything, and somehow the truth doesn't matter anymore. I'm confused.

Well, life is confusing. It's a bitch. Real bitch.

Nights.

:)

2010-09-27T22:18:00.002+08:00

okay well lets get back to the letters.
A letter to my parents.

This is a bit hard, but its okay. Ill keep it short and simple. We are not in good terms now. But I hope y'all forgive my stupid behaviour and I appreciate every little thing you've done for me, deep inside. It saddens me sometimes, looking at happy families in public, but when I think again, I don't blame y'all. I guess its us, maybe. I miss those previous outings we used to have way back then, but I know things will not change, and of course ill accept it. Whatever it is, I love you both.
But things are just too... Complicated.

2010-09-26T23:02:00.001+08:00

good thing about reflections. They do wonders(except causing my headaches).
I've decided to play hide and seek with my feelings. I may go Haha, but for all you know its the opposite. I guess that's better than causing other misery whatsoever.

I miss my late mum.

2010-09-26T02:53:00.002+08:00

dont all girls just hate pms ?
i dont really have those mood swings but it all being to start in the morning.
at the end of the day, bf had to endure it even though he said something so harmless. okay wait, i endured it at the end of the day cause he slept cause i guessed he got tired figuring me out. ohwell. yes, after that, my mood swings was really hard to handle. even now.

just wanna say sorry to bf cause i was being very unreasonable and immature. i can go on bringing myself down, but i guess ill keep all negativity to myself. urgh, i hate myself right now.

EXHAUSTED AND TIRED.

2010-09-23T10:33:00.003+08:00

Hello.
quick update: I'm having attachment, and I can't wait to get it done & over with. I'm just very exhausted that's all. Sometimes I think twice about continuing this profession. But its too late already. Might as well live with it.
Very exhausting. And kinda making it hard for me to meet people and do things I wanna do.

Hari Raya was of course awesome because of my cousins & siblings. And also my boyfriend, who accompanied me thru msges cause he knew how I felt earlier.

And yes above is a picture taken at woodlands waterfront. when we were there, we felt like we were being fried. There's not much shelter, and only phase one was built. After that we went to pasir ris, cause I wanted to get my riceeeeeeeeeeee. Awesome balls.

Finally having signed up to student plan. Yayness. I know I'm slow but whatever. Hee.

I'm hugging patrick now. And I'm falling asleep. Hell ! I have to go to work later. 1 to 9pm. gawd, I would feel more drained. Lincah la habis!

Oh but despite me wanting to end attachment
fast, but the elderly there are super cute. heh.

Sigh I miss my fats. awesome bf la that one.

heh.

2010-09-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

It feels different doesn't it? :( sighs the good times don't always last. But ill still be the same (:

----------------------------------------------------------

Anws, a letter to my sibling.
Well. I'm grateful towards all my siblings: it may look like I don't appreciate whatever you've done. But I do.
And specially for my younger sister.things may be complicated now, but you & me we are stillthe same. But I guess you don't treat me the same way huh? Whtever it is I love you all. And I miss the old times. Everythings different now, sadly.

DF<3

2010-09-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

I find that this is all so unfair towards you. Seriously it does. This isn't what you expect: I'm sorry. Oh so very much.

Life has karma. Looks like I'm getting mine as days goes by. Though I hope karma won't make me lose you. If karma existed, that is. If karma gave me that punishment, I guess I'll be a totally different person. A totally withdrawn and pessimistic person.

If all this is too much for you too handle please tell me. I don't wanna burden you too much.

I was supposed to give you happiness.

Life is kinda fucked now. Prolly karma is working. Yeah I deserve it maybe, after all the conflicts i've done for everybody. Maybe, just maybe it's my fault, cause karma seems to be pointing at me.

I'm not really sure if karma even existed but this really shows alot. One by one.

Despite everything, I'm thankful for his company and care. He's innocent yet he had to feel so down for me.

Karma can do Anything to me, but please don't take him away:(

Danial farihin's.

2010-09-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

I miss & love my fatty:(
Shitloads!

hey.

2010-09-10T12:15:00.000+08:00

Selamat hari raya to everybody. And I apologise for every stupid things I've said & done. I really do.

On another note, I miss the old times. When I was young and so free of problems. There's only one person im sad for which is my younger sister. So young, so innocent yet involved in such huge matters. Whatever happens, I have nothing against my sister, and I believe everybody should treat her like a child. And let her celebrate with her cousins and all. But heck, people are just so egoistic nowadays aren't they ?

Kristalinia, you may not see this. But I just feel like saying it. I love you and I apologised deeply for everything that has happened causing you to not be able to celebrate.

Sometimes in life you have to be forgiving and you got to face the fact that people makes mistakes. And also you also got to look back and think about why this happened. It dint happened out of nowhere, of course something made this happened.

On a brighter note, I miss my boyfriend. And youu. Don't be sad just because in this post I sound sad. I'm happy cause of you. Hee. <3

hari raya.

2010-09-09T18:28:00.000+08:00

Hari raya tomorrow. I'm not ready to face tomorrow. It's hard to be like this. :(
I'm so confused and mostly lost. I don't know what you want. Either you want me to help or not. If I do you have smth to say. If I don't you say smth else. So what now. Hmm.I don't know.

Can I wake up on a Saturday morning or maybe Sunday? I'm feeling so lost right now. I don't want history to repeat itself with me being quite a mess:(

I have nowhere to vent all this sometimes. So sorry if my posts seems ever so confusing and sad.

2010-09-08T05:50:00.001+08:00

yeah I know. The letters. I will do it. later I'm doing my last paper. So after that I'm effing free, not to mention sleep. Ah.

Okay in the wee hours of morning decided that sociology is all about understanding rather than memorizing. So I'm reading, but very slow !
Plus in this wee hour of morning, I feel scared.
Maybe is because
1. I'm scared of my paper later, I bet I'm gonna fail.
2. I did study, but I'm scared ill go blank.
3. I'm scared that he may get bored of me, if I persists:( but I really miss you !
5. And also I need a hug.

randomballs.

2010-09-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

I so irritated and annoyed till I wanna just cry. Tsk. Annoying laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Bdjskcjkjxjkskzmsmm. Sorry! Fb has too many status and too many not needed eyes!

And fuck I wanna study laaaaaa. I should just die. :(

again&again&&&again.

2010-08-31T22:02:00.000+08:00

Since I can't really vent my sorrows or anger anywhere as some may just read and complain. Please endure this not needed post.

I'm really really tired. Tired of running & hiding. What's the point ? Sometimes I really wonder, am I really thaaaat bad ? Do I really make up such stories?
I'm tired la. Y'all go ahead say what you wanna say. I'm shutting myself up and taking every bullshits and things I have to faced, even though words kill me. Well at Least it doesn't kill me literally. Still Alive.

<3

2010-08-31T04:54:00.000+08:00

I promise I'll do the letters, soon. It's hard not being able to use the laptop and do the letters easily w/o mistakes. Futhermore I wanna insert in picture too.

For now, damn I wished iblogger let me upload pictures but I don't see anything.
If I could I would have upload a certain picture & it's will fit well in this post of mine.

Danial Farihin<3
The best I've ever have or the best I'll ever have. My bf + my close friend. Sometimes when you least expected you just fall. And I did.
He's just the best. I know it's still a fresh r/s but we've known each other for a few months.
Wednesday & Friday baby(:
He sings to me everyday. My happy pill everyday ! Hee.

Good luck for exams later. I know you'll do well. & I saw your Twitter status. Danial Farihin<3 imissyouheavenloads !

Goodnightmares people.

Ohoh I'm meeting my friends later ! Damn I can't wait ! Pictures laughters gossips and everything. Love you people so damn much !

......

2010-08-29T04:48:00.000+08:00

Argh. Yeah I agree with you. I see no point of me being here too. Just fuck off from my facebook la ass. Jshsuahxhuahhsuai. I'm so Furious that I'm not surprised if I were to cry. Cb la.
If I don't scream there and you don't want me to say anything then you want me to vent anger where? You can screw me all you people want la. I don't care.
Cause I see no point in fixing a broken glass. As for this, this glass is totally smashed. Yeah you heard one side of the story and you'll always will side that story.
Sometimes I hope there is really something wrong with my fucking brain.

I'm fucking furious but not that furious to not tell that Danial farihin is currently the best person in my life. As long I have him, I know I'm happy. I love you.
It may be shocking but things happen.
Say what you want to say but you have no idea what he has done to make me fall so unexpectedly. 2908 aye ? <3

Okay now I'm gonna go back to being frigging angry. Cb.

this post is redundant. it's just me venting my anger !

2010-08-28T12:09:00.000+08:00

I'm effing furious now. Seriously ! What the fuck do you think I have facebook for?! I don't need fucking informats to be around. It's my effing facebook, and I say what I want to say. Does it even matter?
Oh now you wanna say that I stared at you before? Yknow I dare swear I haven't! Or maybe you think I was cause everytime I have an annoyed face you think I was showing at you when actually I was stressed because of some other things totally not because of you.
Fuck i hate when my privacy is intruded. Which is why I don't wanna add some people. Tsk so now you all think you all some goody two shoes. Hell no nobody is.

Yelar as usual you don't blame yourself on anything, you've done nothing wrong right. Hmm as usual. You all never take faults. Shameful or what

Seriously i'm glad you've deleted me cause seriously I need privacy and hell I wanna feel free to post anything I want.

I swear I'm fucking furious right now.
I'm glad I'm not fasting, I swear.

Urgh.
I've been minding my own fucking business. You're the one who made me do all that. Ah fuck la. I'm so angry that I just... I don't know! I like wanna get out of here fast and go sit somewhere else and relax, but I hate to answer questions. Ah fuck la.

hee.

2010-08-28T03:26:00.000+08:00

I <3 you.
Unexpected, but who cares. (:
You may not be the knight in the shining armour or a prince, but you make me happy always(: you lulled me to sleep even though you're shy. Aww, I swear I felt like crying. Goodnightmares.

<3

2nd letter : My Crush.

2010-08-22T22:01:00.003+08:00

haha. hmm, my crush aye.

well, this crush has been so long already. even though i rarely see you, when i mean rare, its veryveryvery rare. but when i do, i feel happy for the effing whole day !
:D

heh, well, a crush is a crush lah, the feeling never reallly go away.
this crush was like what ?! secondary two ? when i was damn nerdy, immature and totally ugly. okay i know now still ugly. but more uglier than now (: HAHA. kidding.

anws, yeah everybody says you're handsome, at that point of time. not sure about now, cause i rarely even see you. you're not malay, but you know malay. well who cares ! i even had a nickname for you, and i come to know that actually that IS your nickname. HAHA awesomeee. hahaha.

heh.
you used to make me happy when i see you in school.

HAHA, KENTAL TIMES. :D

BUT, a crush is just a crush. its different than me liking a person (:

first letter still but to another person.

2010-08-22T00:37:00.000+08:00

Another same letter. Heck who cares about the damn rules, even If they had any!

Anws this letter is for someone who is always there for me (: heh.
Endure my every nonsense anytime of the day. Endure my every complains anytime of the day. Someone who always cheered me up every single time.
We know each other well enough and I doubt we get bored of each other nonsense ! You always make me feeeeel uberly happy balls. And you understand my every problems as always. You know when I'm saddd too (:

Andand haha, you already know all my ugly habits and all just like all my other best friends, even though I've known you for 5 months eh ? Heh.

Thanks for always being there aye(: and it works the same way for me(: I'm here for you too.
&& thanks for the ayam penyet.

Hello, best heavenly friend I've ever haddddd. Danial farihin (:

Enjoy johor balls!
&& I know I haven't reply your chat yet cause I'm writing this ! Heh sorry!

Replying you now, bye.

Stay tuned for the next letter which is to ... Ah we'll see(:
<3

my first letter. (: to my best friends.

2010-08-22T00:30:00.001+08:00

Okay here it goes(:

I don't have a specific best friend as I find it biased towards all my other friends.

To my secondary friends: reshmi, rajathi, Durga, ferra, Asha, amrit aniq and murali <3
you all are my sunshine everytime I attend school. We are all from different characters but as we all beame friends, we clicked on well. I don't care when people say why you have many Indian friends( yes there are some who asked me that.) I don't care cause to me it isn't the race that matter, it's the people you are with. And you all are the best. You are my laughing gas. We all are creative, supportive and imaginative. Every joke and every gossip will be funny as hell ! I'll sure miss my secondary 5 year as even though it's the most stressful, it's the best year with you people. My motivation, my laughing gas, my effing best friends(:

You all listen to my every problems and be there when times suck. Cheer me up and truth is, you all were one of those people who motivated me to get thru Olevels. Look at me now w/o you guys. So demotivated, so lost:(
But somehow I know you all be there whenever you need to be & of course it works both ways too.

We scold each other like crazy but we know it's a joke. We are awesome people ! (:

I hope to meet you lovely asses soon(:
I love you people like so very effing much <3

Next post is still my best friend letter (:

(:

2010-08-19T21:44:00.000+08:00

Oh && If you hadn't appear on this yet, meaning yours will be in the rest of the letters. (:

1st letter : To my best friend.

2010-08-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

So here goes my first letter. As much as I had to update through my Itouch, I just had no choice cause everybody is hogging the laptops. Tsk.

Anws, on a brighter note, let's write this letter. I have never had a best friend. I don't know why but having a best friend makes me feel like I'm biased. Well, that's my point of view. Having saying that, I don't say you're biased just because you have a best friend. That's you & this is me.

&& it's hard to write this thus I would love to write for all of my closest friends. I don't know the rules of this letter, heck I'm gonna write for all my closest friends, with their names above. So I guess it's a letter for like a bunch of people aye, but I don't mind. Cause this people are those people who are worth writing for, in fact expressing it isn't enough. Heh(:

I won't write all now, cause it's gonna be lengthy and all. So it will be divided into a few posts. But I'm gonna update when I get my hands on the laptop.
Hope i get it soon. Just wait for a few days aye(:

<3 (:

QUOTES(:

2010-08-19T00:10:00.002+08:00

I.WANT.TO.KEEP.A.CAT. PERIOD.
I WANT TO SLEEP BESIDE IT AND ALWAYS PLAY AROUND WITH THEM.
THEY ARE EFFING ADORABLE CREATURES.

All i can do is be me, whoever that is.
- Bob Dylan.

Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you got your back turned.
- Eminem. <3

The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.
- Eminem.

If it's illegal to rock and roll, throw my ass in jail!
- Kurt Cobain

Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
- Jim Morrison

:D

an unopened letter to the world.

2010-08-18T23:34:00.002+08:00

Write a letter to these people :

Day 1 - Your Best Friend.

Day 2 - Your Crush.

Day 3 - Your Siblings.

Day 4 - Your Parents.

Day 5 - Your Dreams.

Day 6 - A Stranger.

Day 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend or girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 - Your Favourite Internet Friend.

Day 9 - Someone You Wish You Could Meet.

Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you don't like too.

Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to.

Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you pain.

Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you.

Day 14 - Someone you've drifted apart from.

Day 15 - Someone you miss the most.

Day 16 - Someone that is not in your state/country.

Day 17 - Someone that is from your childhood.

Day 18 - The person that you wished you could be.

Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind (either good or bad.)

Day 20 - The one that broke your heart the hardest.

Day 21 - Someone you judged by the first impression.

Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to.

Day 23 - The last person you kissed.

Day 24 - The person that gave you the perfect memory.

Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times.

Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to.

Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for one day.

Day 28 - Someone that changed your life.

Day 29 - The person you want to tell everything too, but afraid to.

Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror.

Saw this from my friend's bloggg ! :D
since i forgot how to blog. maybe this may help.
i may not blog everyday, but the letters will always be updated.
HAHA, MAY BE ABIT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO THIS, CAUSE WHILE READING IT. I SWEAR I WAS BLUR. BUT LET'S TAKE THE CHALLENGE !
:D

:(

2010-08-18T03:42:00.000+08:00

Sometimes all i wanna do is say thanks to people who've been there for me. But then when I do, things always get weird. This is not the first time :(

heee.

2010-08-17T12:22:00.003+08:00

HELLO.
(:
i think i know why i don't blog anymore, because i just forgot how to blog :/
haha.

ohwells.

*& the last thing I wanna do, is to fix the broken pieces.

* you may watch me grow, but sometimes, people change unconsiously and you just see what you see. and seeing what you see doesn't mean you know me well.

*& i realised i'm not ready for anything. For, school, studies, r/s or anything new.
im just happy with things are now, even though there's alot of bullshits happening.

'dontfallforme.'

poo

2010-07-27T22:47:00.000+08:00

But even if I can't minus you that doesn't mean I still treat you as how I do bfre. I don't and I don't intend to.

history haunts me back.

2010-07-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

I'm not good at minusing anybody our of my life. You wanna be part of it, please stay. Don't get out. I don't know how to minus anybody out. No matter how much I try, you'll still somehow another be part of my thoughts , being the reasone for my occasional breakdown. If you don't intend in staying long, don't even give me hopes. Nothing makes you an exception to make you being minused out of my life.

I'm really exhausted of trying to minus you out.

what a reaction.

2010-07-13T19:54:00.000+08:00

This sounds totally lame and The thing I did otw home today was totally uncalled for. I cried while walking home. Nah nobody saw, just pathetic tears which I wiped away asap when it rolls down. Damn that's so stupid. :/

MIA:AVENGED SEVENFOLD (:

2010-07-12T22:26:00.001+08:00

2010-07-07T19:42:00.003+08:00

not furious, i'm feeling okay.
just felt regretful, retarded and stupid.
seriously, why the hell i did such things, i just don't know.
i made a fool out of myself.
but, im just hurt, cause ive let my ego down, and just fcuked everything one side, and yet, youre are one badass egoistic person.
but then again, whatever.

but i know and i can sooooo feel it, one thing for sure, i dont like you anymore. im veryveryveryveryvery sure about that.
and im happy i did.

:)

boredom.

2010-07-06T02:11:00.000+08:00

Heyy hello !
Updating using iblogger. Damn so it makes all my posts jumbled up. Anyways it's 2.16am & I'm not sleepy, not a bit. Dammit. Cause I kinda slept my day away. So much for studying. Well I did. I opened the cavity chapter, wrote some notes, felt sleepy, close my eyes, fell asleep. & that is not good. I badly wanna study but I guess the motivation is not there. Damn I need to motivate myself more.

So I'm not sleepy & I have seriously nothing to do. Nobody to disturb, haha.

Oh and yeah I have this fear kept inside me that just keeps scaring me. I don't know the real reason why. And it sucks.

And anws i'm getting sick & tired. Like they say something but then their actions behind me doesn't really link to whatever they told me. I don't know whether that makes sense but I hope it does. And damn those ' pot calling a kettle black ' people. Sometimes I just don't know who to trust anymore. But then again I shouldn't bother cause there's nothing to it.

:)

pah-teh-tic.

2010-07-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

can you imagine how hypocrite a person can get?
Can you imagine how contradictive a person can get?
seriously yet again, faced with which one of the YOU is real ?
Its very exhausting trying to figure that out. Very exhausting.
I've seen too many ' A pot calling a kettle black' this few days.
sheesh.

I guess you're forgiven.

2010-07-04T10:44:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I'm very forgiving, but seriously I can feel it. You're forgiven. I dint make the decision to the forgive you, it just happen. Suddenly thinking what you've done, doesn't make my blood boil. I guess the phrase is true, the reason why we forgive a person is because they still want them in our life. Yeah I can't deny that. But wanting you back in my life, like a friend. Nothing more: somehow, I think being friends is the best and futhermore, I think I've manage to do something I never thought I could be able to do when you told me that you had to end this. I think I've gotten over you, yes the feelings is still there but.. It not that kind of feelings.

I don't know whether this feelings is temporary or what. But.. That is how I feel nowadays. I guess this is it.

2010-07-03T02:27:00.002+08:00

gahh,
ever had that moment, where you find that nothing can ever make you feel better. nobody can make you feel alright ?
ever had that moment when you just can't feel happy no matter what you're doing.
this sucks.

cause currently, I'm in this moment, and i wish to get out of this moment.
:(

facebook page : The 'I don't give a fuck' mood. AWESOME.

2010-06-05T16:59:00.003+08:00

you're the one that i miss a lot, this few days. everything happened seems immune to me and all i wanted was to ..
ah what the hell, i don't know why i'm still like this after so long. ah, it happens, i guess.

ever had something you wanted so badly, but you know that its never gonna happen and you know you deserve better, but you still want it. ah bleargh.
when will the feeling ever go away, completely ?

okay, gosh darn it.
1. exams next week. - and i'm lost like crazy and i have not started studying. damn me and my constant procrastinating. ah damn it, where have all my motivation to study went to after Olevels ? down the drainnnnnnnn, somewhere.

school ? ah, its okay. stressful. tiring. but its okay.
i love those breaks where we would play uno, or jenga. damn awesome times.

Oh i miss my secondary school friends like crazy. all of them. i miss being in school, being crazy with them. i miss them hellloads ! :(

holidays next week, YAYS. i'm excited and i wanna meet my secondary school friends during that timeeeeeeeeeee. weee.

right now, just one week of mugging like crazy. or wait, mugging ? sheesh. studying i meannnnnn. why the crap did i used mugging!? haha.

damn I'm bored.

OH AYAM PENYETTTNYETTTT, where ?
dann? rizal ? irwan ?
WHERE?
FLY KITE ? where? when?

pictures.

2010-05-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

yeah, same place always.
webcam pictures always same place.

ah, wanted to blog, but suddenly don't feel like it.
bye.
:D

2010-05-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

ah, crap. I don't know how to do this anymore.
things gone wrong, wrong wrong.

let it die.

2010-05-17T22:22:00.004+08:00

stupid. fuck.
i've never felt the burning anger in myself bfre. the urge to just scream is piling.
i guess too many anger that i have yet to burst.
yeah, i'm chilled now but this anger is turning into something else.
i'm sorry to people who i've talked rudely to, but i just don't know what to say.

and yes, you.
if you think you're that good, then thats your bloody problem. i won't change just to please you. you wanna know why i'm like this. just because of you. i'm never like this to other people, only you. nobody taught me to be as such, and if you were to accuse somebody for making me as such, you should just go and fly kite. annoying much. i am what i am because of you. i have my limits.
and oh, stories never ends, because of you. why can't you just accept that people make mistakes huh. i realised mine and pretty much shut myself up, ignoring your life.
i'm annoyed, i keep quiet, its wrong. i dint keep quiet, its wrong. then what the crap you want from me.
i dont wanna be rude. seriously, but people have their anger and limits. today, after everything, ive reached mine.
seriously lah fuck. say what you wanna say, do what you wanna do. i don't care, i don't give a shit and i definitely don't wanna give a fuck anymore. yes, it may hurt me, but seriously i can't do anything about it.

on a different story, now I know you'll never be there for me. thanks.
now, the person who always liven up my spirit, making me feel better after feeling sucky is not gonna be there anymore, so how now.

moving.

2010-05-15T10:04:00.003+08:00

this is like my personal twitter and Facebook. I don't wanna create twitter and not gonna update in Facebook.

ill just update things here like updating a status, whenever I feel like It. I'm glad not many read my blog, easier to express.

2 things.
Don't say things you don't feel out of pity. No point lying what you heart don't feel. You're only leading a person on.

And hell, I find no point in proving a point to a person who thinks they know everything and always wanna win. I bloody hell know what I said and what I dint.
Stop thinking you're all that, lah.

:(

2010-05-15T00:49:00.001+08:00

I've made a huge... I don't know if its a mistake. But yes, I did it. Argh. Fuck, why the fuck did i....
BooHoo, I don't know how things gonna be like. But damn. I swear I hate myself for doing such things. Things will def change, I'm telling you. My head hurts, feels so light-headed. Heart? Feels so. I don't know. But I feel effing pathetic. Craphole.
I always don't listen to my mind. I'm full of poo. fuckfuck.

I don't know where things are gonna go from here. Seriously me, myself. What am I gonna do?
I have no idea. But, I'm gonna try, hard.

2010-05-13T20:54:00.003+08:00

anger management problem, please just go and correct it yourself.
don't shove it on others, fuck, i hate it.

sidetracked.

gosh, i'm so sorry. but i need to spill this.
i can't take it anymore. i can't lie anymore. i can't be in denial anymore.
i'm still the same. cyber sucks. i wished i never seen such things that may make me feel used and my heart abused.
i'm sorry for yet another post. but i can't help it. everybody including you thinks,yes a month plus already so pretty sure everythings gone.
but to tell you the truth, no. nothing changed. I guess my reaction towards this thing was effing slow and all this is taking over me esp nights.
i'm sorry if i'm fueled with overwhelming jealousy but that's how it is.
something just strucked me a few minutes ago, that its the end. yes, i know. why now then i realised it? i swear i have no shit idea.
nothing can ever change already, nothing.
i just wish this was easy. no its not. i don't know what ive done for the one month, but that def wasnt it. there was hope deep down.

i just wanna go and rest.
goodnight.

i wanna be MIA.

thoughts and reminders.

2010-05-12T22:36:00.002+08:00

okay, I don't want to hope cause yes I know nothing will happen today, tomorrow and pretty much everyday.
It was just one catch-ups session.
I don't want to feel so hopeful and be disappointed in the end.
I'm not hoping, okay maybe a wee bit. But I got to shoo this thing away.

Thus, I'm gonna soak myself in biology. Pretty hard to concentrate but, I got to try. There's a test balls.
So lets go biology! the only way is to just blast music and then study.

Oh Damn, please ulcers, go away.
there's like two of them, side by side.
Heal and go away, you MF.
Heee.

Damn, so many projects to do.
Had psychology tutorial just now, and that was the best tutorial I've ever had since the first day. No kidding. I mean, we did a case study on signs of depression, on heath ledger. Heath ledger, you know the guy who played joker in Batman. Yeah him. and also gonna do more case study about other people too. Thinking about brittany murphy.

HAHA, I'm such an idiot, while studying can pause to blog using mobile.

Biology,Damn you. You bore me halfway balls.
heeee.

Okay, Damn got to stop already.

I gotta say yes, I miss you, but then again we don't always get what we want.

So goodnight, people.

thoughts and reminders.

2010-05-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

okay, I don't want to hope cause yes I know nothing will happen today, tomorrow and pretty much everyday.
It was just one catch-ups session.
I don't want to feel so hopeful and be disappointed in the end.
I'm not hoping, okay maybe a wee bit. But I got thing away.

Thus, I'm gonna soak myself in biology. Pretty hard to concentrate but, I got to try. There's a test balls.
So lets go biology! the only way is to just blast music and then study.

Oh Damn, please ulcer, go away.
there's like two of them, side by side.
Heal and go away, you MF.
Heee.

Damn, so many projects to do.
Had psychology tutorial just now, and that wa the best tutorial I've ever had since the first day. No kidding. I mean, we did a case study on signs of depression, on heath ledger. Heath ledger, you know the guy who played joker in Batman. Yeah him. and also gonna do more case study about other people too. Thinking about brittany murphy.

HAHA, I'm such an idiot, while studying can pause to blog using mobile.

Biology,Damn you. You bore me halfway balls.
heeee.

Okay, Damn got to stop already.

I gotta say yes, I miss you, but then again we don't always get what we want.

So goodnight, people.

boy.boy.boy.

2010-05-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

ohman. My stomach hurts badly, and my eyes feels un-awesomely sleepy.

Having a sucky lecture now. I don't know what she's talking about. Oh yawn, lecturer you lull me to sleep.

*many say Dahlah pearl, get over it. Its been long alr. And yes I agree but seriously its not easy ,

enough.

2010-05-09T11:44:00.002+08:00

cousins.

okay. enough already with those constant confusing sad looking posts.

i can't continue writing and feeling like that.

what's the point of feeling as such when you're the only one feeling it.

so yeah. I'll try to not post anymore. I'll try, hard.

I may stay home on a Sunday. After so long, I'm staying in ! heeee.

actually it's not really confirm, cause if I have no shit idea to do the care plan, I would go over to granny's and ask my sister for help.

ah hell!

i have soooooo much of things to do for school.

1. Psychology project.

2. Sociology project.

3. History of nursing project.

4. CITS Project.

5 and plus study for PAS, BIOLOGY, ANATOMY AND NURSING SKILLS.

*screaaaaaaaams, craphooooole !

haha.

haiz, i can't study at home. dangggg.

ohoh, i went cycling last sunday. will upload pictureeees soon.

holy cow, i'm hungry ! :(

'automatic, systematic.'

2010-05-09T02:44:00.004+08:00

what hurts the most.
was being so close.
and having so much to say.
and watching you walk away.

oh well, sometimees two hearts just cant dance to the same beat.

confused.

2010-05-07T21:00:00.002+08:00

i'm back to where I've started.

my heart says something else, and my mind says another.
seriously, I feel like I'm waiting, but I don't know what and If i could i don't want too.

ah, hell. I'm leading myself on again. where's all the optimism I had ?
now, where do I go from there ?

WINNER AT A LOSING GAME.

2010-05-07T02:15:00.002+08:00

OHHH BOY.
WHATEVER I'VE BEEN DOING FOR A MONTH, HAS GONE DOWN THE DRAIN, AND IM BACK TO SQUARE ONE STRAIGHT AWAY.

WHAT THE CRAP BALLS.

SO UNEXPECTED. & WHY NOW?

DEEP DOWN, I FEEL SO INSECURE, AND CONFUSED.
ITS STARTS TO FEEL HEAVY ALL OVER AGAIN.
DAMNITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

MY THOUGHTS NOW: SJNCBBNSFIUXGNSDAIOSZ.
HAHA, GO FIGURE.

you+me = hellhole.

2010-05-05T00:46:00.002+08:00

sorry. I'm gonna spout some things that may not sound sensible.

Lieslieslies, seriously go fly kite and reflect. Reflect balls.
this kind of people who say things but dint mean it a second later, should just go and rot away. how awesome, you don't even feel guilty about what you've done. And now, you wanna work on another one.
How I wish I could express things freely, but I just can't.
whatever you say is still freshly etched in my mind. and i know I've said it many times. But it was all bull. cock and bull. So now, I suggest you go fly kite one side and be pathetic. Tsk.

not appreciative at all.

Seriously, I know its not worth it but crap, it hurts okay. Hurts like crap!
Fuckfuckfuck.

:'(

I'm that fool that has fell into your sweet craps and got smashed like Ayam penyet!
Next time go eat sweet lah.

Night.

feelings.

2010-05-03T11:43:00.003+08:00

updating using mobile before school.

Okay, 2010, you are much more worse than 2009. Seriously. You're showing signs. Signs of us having a fucked up year. Bloody hell.
One by one.

I just don't why but I worry for people unnecessarily. Even to those whom I was never close to, who I've only see and not talk with, I get worried.

Yes, right now, as I can see, many people aren't doing so good. I feel the same way. And obviously, its not wrong to feel low or cry. And also sharing with a person is also good.

But. Please don't even think about inflicting yourself. Like, suicide or cut yourself or anything lah. Shit happens, balls! A lot of times it happens. And we just have to go through it. You causing hurt to yourself makes people worry even more. Sometimes we just have to accept things and move. I know I'm not doing a good job but, I'm trying. People learn along the way.

I realised that most of the kind-hearted and good people suffer more. People who have been nice and patient, will be the one facing Shit, would be the one being hurt, right now. Now, life is really unfair. yeah, its a test but somehow, its just unfair.

What goes around comes around. Karma bites, balls! Heee.

Sometimes we do things knowing its wrong in the mind, but we do it anyway, cause they follow their hearts. Yes, follow your heart, blablabla. I did and now see. sometimes, it just doesn't work that waaaaaay.

God, school on a labour day. Crazy balls!

Ah, hell!
What can we do, live our life as per normal and accept things as it is. just go with the flow.

I know things aren't good right now, but have a good day people.

and I miss shitload of people!

and now that we're here, so far awaaaaay .

2010-05-02T03:43:00.004+08:00

COUSINS ! ♥

Ilovethem to bits cause they are the ones who will always be there other than my siblings. :D

And of course, Faradina ♥ ! She's awesomely cute and I wanna watch her grow.
Chubby baby.

Had the urge to blog. well, it's nearly 4am. and most of the time, at this time, my mind would be filled with thoughts.

the past few posts were so goddamn scrambled cause' i had to just let it out. tsk.
life has been hard. but then, i don't hate it, cause I have to live with it for... more years to come.
i hadn't had a very good post lately, so let's have it since I have alot of free time, for right now. And also I had my sleep earlier. From 10plus to 2am. The best sleep I've ever had for so long.

School's started and the third week is coming.
3-4 days to a month since everything's ended, and tsk. I'm still ...
I've cut my hair.
My appetite has been out of control. :(
And, through everything, I realised alot of things.

1.
School. Hmm, it's good. Had some difficulties adapting though. I'm not good when it comes to a new environment. In fact, I suck at it. But hell yeah! The first day was pretty lonely, but as days goes by, I'm slowly being myself with the new people.
The modules are effing difficult. I don't know where I adapted the habits of sleeping in class, alot. i meanm yes i do sleep during my secondary times. but it wasnt that much like how I'm right now. I mostly shut off in almost all of the lectures. I can't seem to just listen and absorb everything in my brain. And i'm losing out on alot of things. i'm glad i realised it now, cause I'm gonna start studying like veryvery soon. biology, history of nursing-ohplease!, anatomy and sociology & psychology. I just have to endure History of nursing, even though i hate it. urgh. the reason why i hate it cause i find no point in something that has no use in being a nurse. Is the patient gonna ask who is Florence Nightingale ? hell no, the patients just wanna get themselves treated. HAHA. ohwell, i just have to anyway.
i wanna try to get a GPA of above three. study well balls! :D

2.
ohwell, need i say more. pretty much most of those scrambled posts was about you. as much as i keep acting like i'm okay with everything, actually deep down, gosh. i still feel fucked up. you know, it's weird but everytime when i accidentally bumped into you, i had a feeling earlier that i would see you. tsk. and hell yes. you can't fool me cause' i kinda know alot of things. nobody told me anything. like i said, i'm very intuitive and sometimes when i see something, i have that feeling like, whatever intuition i had was true. and yes, finally it was.
not gonna say here. but it sucks liking somebody who doesn't feel the same way. i guess you know now. i know you well, to know that you won't show you care but actually you do, deep down.
me ? ah, well. i'm just okay. i have many notebooks that was filled with thoughts when we were still together. waiting for the day when i'm able to throw them all away.
gosh, i'm glad i deleted your number straight after everything. and also i forced myself to forget your number. cause i was too dependant on you last time when i have problems. and currently yes, i do. and if i were to still have your number, ... oh well, let's not think of it.
i can say alot more. but enough already. Just need to be optimistic. But then again, i'm doing good, just those times only.

3.
yes, posted about this. my bangs. HAHA.
most of the people commented that i look like a kid and i look cute. :)
almost everybody said that i should keep this hairstyle.
and yes, i plan too.

my view on this hair. YES I LIKE. HAHA.
cause i'm finally free of trying to make sure my fringe dont get messed up. this bangs just lay in place. okay, it has its occasional bad days, but its okay. bangbang.
but the sad thing is, its slowly getting frizzy already. i can feel it balls! holy coooow!

4.
YES MY APPETITE! HOLY CRAP. ITS SERIOUSLY OUT OF CONTROL.
i guess i eat cause it makes me happy. but then again, where the hell did i get that huge appetite from. my stomach don't usually be able to take it so much food. i mean, who the hell won't be full after eating spaghetti, some of chicken chop, fried chicken, fries. yes, all in one go.
and i suffered alot in school. now, i;m known to be the girl who is always late and a girl who eats ALOT, in my poly life! One of my friends called me PFF. pretty french fries girl, she says. like what the crap. why pretty? i have no shit idea. but french fries, cause i would always buy the french fries almost all the time.HAHA.
big eater, annoyed the crap out of me.
and i mostly spend money on food!

and yes, i ate 5 nuggets and macspicy an hour ago, and i'm telling you, i'm still hungry !
i think my stomach has a hole, or worms as some might say.

5.
People makes mistakes, with an S. and everybody got to accept that fact. and somehow or another someone got to forgive them. but sometimes, its effing annoying when a person just keep sucking up to your face about your mistakes. hating you, due to the mistakes you've done. nobody's perfect and everybody's different. and you can't make me be like you. cause i just wanna be like how i've always been.

i've got some imperfections but how can you collect them all and throw them in my face. - Staind.

& sometimes, you've got to forget how you feel and be treated like how you deserve. What's the point of being nice, always being there for them and only to be treated like crap. i know the feeling. sometimes, being too nice just gets you... nowhere but just getting you yourself hurt.
be nice to people who deserve it. :)

impossible is nothing. tsk. bullshit much. okaylah, you got to accept that some things are JUST impossible, no matter how hard you try. like wanting to ace in your studies, that's possible if you study.
but what about, forcing someone to like you. that's impossible. why force when they already like someone else. to me, thats just impossible and a waste of time.
what about, ... i just don't know how to explain this example.

the simplest things are always the best.

tsk. mcm phm lah aku. -.-
but dey, that's how i feel.

'if i chose to walk away, will you be right here waiting?'

its 4.43am. i took like almost an hour to post this. haha, was facebook-ing at the same time.
my eyes is feeling tired, already.

night.

right here waiting.

2010-05-01T00:04:00.002+08:00

staind, i'm finally listening to you back. sorry for the stupid video. just wanted the song.

& I'm a intuitive person. hell. they are all right.
I just know things by inferring from what you say. and hell, im right again.
so now, you're heartbroken, i guess? tsktsk.
man, photos that appeared, they are so tak perlu for me to see.
hits me hard eveeeeeeerytime.
sucks balls!

time for sociology.

2010-04-30T21:23:00.003+08:00

yes,i own a face of a devil.
Yes, im a slut.
Yes, im lazy.
WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT FROM ME!

I DONT EVEN WANNA DO ANYTHING LAH FUCK.

I hate the fact that yoooou are able to bring me down just by words.

And you, get the hell out of my head. Shouldnt give two shit abt you! get the hell ouuuuuuuuuuuuuut.

one last breath.

2010-04-29T00:20:00.004+08:00

FARADINA.

ALAMAK DEY, CUTE LAHHHHHHHHHHH.

okay, just had the urge to put her picture here, cause she's too cute .

haha.

-.-

okay, so since I'm not joining any CCAs, i got to study like hell! oh damn. the module is nonsense balls. so chim!

tsk, esp biology.

hell, history of nursing ? man, that's bullshit. i see no reason for me to study it, but sadly i have to.

sociology & psychology is okaaaay, but still understanding alittle.

aiya, must study alr!

damn, reminds me of the O levels time!

gahh, i miss my secondary friends, my classmates. every single one of them.

we are just awesome as a class!

good things always come to an end.

usually the good things never last. always those bad times, keeps coming, and goes away like freaking slow.

tomorrow gonna be a LONNNNNG DAY.:(

the timetable is kinda lame. no wait, not kinda. it IS lame.

8 to 6? gosh, they're crazy.

i can assure you, i'll be headbanging in lectures.

or maybe facebook-ing.

which reminds me, long hours in school will add to my misery! wanna save money but shittay.

i seriously think my stomach have a hole or smthing. where the hell does all the food goes to, cause i have always been hungry always ?

this has been happening for 2 weeks, i guess?

haiya, i think food makes me happy.

which reminds me again, i need a job.

and also back to square one, how to cope with the modules.

ah hell, let's just go with da flow.

' hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge. and i'm thinking, being six feet is so far down. '

no pearl, no.

2010-04-27T20:49:00.006+08:00

I feel so fearful. I don't know why. But yes, I feel so so fearful. Like my every step can make me in trouble. I love my room like hell.

Seriously, if you got anger management issues or whatever, please control it. Tsk.

Ah nonsense balls.

Ohmygosh. I Have biology tmr. Tsk. Looks like ill be going in like a zombie. :(

Lastly, I miss my secondary school friends. All of them. I miss my friends.

And, my appetite deserves a KICKASS.

i think youre cute, but hell, no.

do a hit n run. I won't haunt you. Okay, chill the fries.

2010-04-26T21:13:00.003+08:00

okay.
I feel so lost. Yeah.
One by one it just keeps continuing.

' Think about the sacrifices and the things you have to go through before committing yourself. You'll never know who gets hurts when you realised you can't take it. '
Applies to mainly everything.

I wanna go soak myself in books right now.

Say whatever you wanna say. Say I'm disrespectful and whatnot.

I wanna just keep quiet alr.

Night.

:(

2010-04-25T23:02:00.003+08:00

you don't know me at all. don't anyhow judge me just because of the things I chose to show you. You will never know me that well cause I've decided not to let you too.

call me a slut, call me a devil (setan), call me a whore, call me a bitch. just say it.
accuse me that i let people touch me, say that i let my bf sleep with me or whatever. say that you dont care, if that happens. just say it.say that i'm becoming a slut or whatever. just say it. oh you did. and that hurts me big time.

why do people just judge a person that fast. doesnt mean i wear short skirts or whatever, imma slut okay. i know my limits and fuck you for thinking i would do such a thing.

i just dont know what to do. being quiet and staying away from this place, annoys you. staying, letting you see my face, annoys you. what in the world do you want me to do. isnt the story over. stop bloody sucking it up to my face. the story is like ancient and history to everybody but hell, i wanna let you know that youre the only person who keeps repeating. yes i know cause you're the one who has to go through it. but sometimes, people makes mistakes.

like i said. im not a whore and thanks for saying that i am. you having that mentality that i wanna sleep with my bf and you saying all that shows, really that you dont know me that well.

the only people who knows me very well are my cousins- the one who i always spend time with and also my sister. they know how i am and they have always been there for me. despite everything. they have never judged me, they know what kind of person i am. esp my cousins.
my sister too.

go ask them, they will tell you what kind of person i am. they list the bad and also my good qualities. and i can assure you, me letting guys touch me or whatever will not appear in that bad qualites. me being a slut will never appear in that bad qualities.

i dont go around giving my numbers to guys. i dont go around flirting with them. i dont play with their hearts. i dont let them touch me. as in places that obviously you shouldnt touch.
yes, i fell with one. yes, i know my limits when im with him but, right now. since we are no longer together, theres nothing to even think about.

i dont mix with the wrong friends. they are all good friends and they know what's right and what's not. they all have dignity.

last. please, dont act like you know me even if you watched me grow. people change. people makes mistakes. dont judge a person by how they look. im telling you now that. you seriously dont know me that well.

2010-04-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

I wanna run away so badly right now.

FACEBOOK COMPLAINS.

2010-04-25T02:42:00.007+08:00

i hate to become a fan just to see whats the group is all about. ended up being disappointed and i remove from fans.
FACEBOOK. LIKE-ING A CERTAIN GROUP DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME AS BECOME-ING A FAN FOR IT.
your changes are so redundant and useless.
heh.

oasis! stop crying your heart out.
awesome much.

channing tatum, deyyyy!

channing linnia!
HAHAHAHA.

Sometimes, It's best to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.

Love hurts, but sometimes, it's a good hurt & it feels like I'm alive.

Nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can change : November rain.

Sorry's doesn't mend a broken heart, the effort does.

Not everyone gets what they deserve, they just get what they get. Life's not fair. Get used to it.

It's not about, ' I am who I am. '
We are not exactly who we are, We are what society wants us to be. We are brainwashed somehow or another.

think about it. i learnt sociology lesson in nursing. and hell, i swear everything the lecture says, really is true. we were brainwashed right when we were born. our colours were chosen. if you're a boy, automatically they buy you things that is in blue and if you're a girl, poof. everything's pink.

and also. he made us think. whether anorexia is a psychological problem or sociology problem. and to me i think it was sociology and then it got psychological. i mean, open the newspaper. count how many slimming ads are there. woman ads, specifically.
i mean girls will get demoralise and be jealous of people as such. tsk, media. they always mindfuck your brain. always.

haha, see i'm randomly crapping nonsense. like this topic is so random.
-.-

ah hell, i guess i was too bored.

HOLY SMOKES!

2010-04-24T23:40:00.004+08:00

yes that's the bangs.
firstly, din't think it would turn out good. but i guess, it's okay.
so far, two dint have good comments but! many had good comments about me having this hair.
and personally, if you were to ask me, i swear i dont know which one I liked better.
bangbang !
okay lame.
-.-

okay, so I went to cut my hair with my sister on Friday. She went to dye her hair and cut bangs too. while me just bangs. wanted to dye, but nahhhhhhhhhhh.
so hell! i fell asleep while waiting for my turn!
damn, I was so overwhelmed with fatigue and i can't control my sleep any longer.
haha, me and my useless sleeping habits. always.

now, school.
well, school's fine. was lost here and there but i'll soon get used to it!
the module is just oh-so difficult to understand. Gonna start studying soon.
haiz, i swear, i have no idea how to cope with studies and work at the same time, when the time comes. i mean when the times come for me to find work, and i predict it will be veryvery soon. my bank going low, but, i will survive.
sighs.

ever had that feeling that always comes and make you feel so low. i mean out of the blue, those feelings just appear and make you feel like fuck. that feeling was today.
i used to love long bus rides. but currently, no. def, not. i just have time to myself to think. and i did today. i thought about those things that happened. and everything ah. and then the truth just slapped my face hard, everytime.
the truth is .
' you weren't honest, right from the start. Right from the time, we were at the back of the MT classroom, or maybe somewhere there. Everything you said then was just merely something you needed to say to attract my attention. you just needed me for what. something of which i just can't bear to repeat. '
i dint say everything you said wasn't true throughout. but those were just half-hearted words, that made me fell deep.
You know, it has been nearly three weeks. Shouldn't I be feeling good or maybe not feel hurt anymore? buttt, no.
i ain't the type who just shrugs a feeling like this. once i fall, i fall hard. and i don't fall that easily, as you can see.
not that i wanna continue feeling like this. i tried. tried to be angry. tried to forgive and dont look back in anger but its just the same.
sorry if im reacting like so out of the ordinary towards this thing. but its just that, everything falls just all at one go. you went when i actually needed you.
when problem crops up, i would tell you and just by talking to you I would be okay. but now, hell. things hasn't been well and i just don't know how. i guess i was wrong to depend on you. wrong to share those personal problems with you. and also just everything. i was so wrong. but i have no regrets. just disappointing.
ohwell. people says time will tell, time will heal. yeah i know. but damn, time you are moving like bloody slow ! heh.

i know i have been one contradicting bitch. saying, im okay and over him and suddenly poof, aik. im not over here. its just that i chose to make myself think as such. but actually im not. yeah, being optimistic kinda did helped me. but when this feeling crops up, not even optimism can shoo this feelings away.

which is why im angry at MYSELF. like why the hell am i even feeling as such when its one-sidedly? see, suddenly optimism. but nah, i still feel the same.

okok, i really really got to stop. hahaha, okay soon will stop !

MOVING ONNNNNNNNNN TO AN ANOTHER BRIGHTER TOPIC.

going pasir ris tomorrow. no idea where the hell we're going. but i'll just go with the flow. as long its better than rotting at home, Im good.

gonna start to study biology already. a subject that is totally ancient to me. holy mackerel! holy smokes ! I'm dead if I don't start studying asap!
c:

my mind is in a whirl. many things just runs in it, trying to solve the effing problem.
ohwell i dont wanna bother about it lah.
can i just go with the flow.

ANYWAYS. ROOSEVELTS VENGEANCE IS SERIOUSLY PROGRESSING WELL! AWESOME. I NEVER FAIL TO LISTEN BLOODLUST, LIKE ALMOST EVERYDAY! and got to know. they making new songs. ahhh, awesome balls!

hell, i do talk alot of nonsense sometimes. hahaha.

' You're your own worst enemy, you'll never win a fight.'

bad, bad day.

2010-04-21T19:52:00.005+08:00

sucky day.
I just feel like ... No idea what, but I doubt anything can make me feel better.
From morning the day started. It was worst. Late, again.
I just don't know.
Then I had some problems up in my mind, which I just don't know how to say.

Then suddenly, I saw you. it was the first time since that day. Furthermore, it was nearly face2face, and I had to walk past you. I'm sorry if I reacted so immaturely, but if I were to see you in the next few months, I would have reacted differently. But right now, its just too soon, what's with every problem I'm kinda facing now.
When I saw you, I was really scared. Everything you said came back, crashing me, making me vulnerable again.
I thought I was okay, but I guess judging by today, I'm not.
You seem happy, having a good life. Good for you.

I'm very tired. And I'm gonna fall sick, I guess.

I just don't know what to do.
& I hate myself for missing you right now after everything.

2010-04-21T00:38:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna look back in anger, that's why you're forgiven.

I don't know why I even bother doing this but good luck for your midyear.

' no one can get over, they just learn to live w/o them.'

I wonder why is it kinda hard when theres hardly anything memories.

cold, november rain.

2010-04-20T22:52:00.003+08:00

with & w/o specs.
damn, boredom much ?

Okay, I swear being nice is an effing waste of time. pfft. talk nicely also get fucked, for what.
And why suddenly you people have a problem with basically everything I'm doing. hell, i know i have my faults, which is why im keeping quiet. but seriously, i don't have faults with some of you, but you people reacting like I did.
I was minding my own business and yet, you're still claiming me of this and that.
seriously, for those who are always fucking me up with their nonsense when i dint do anything wrong to them, and especially when im nice to you, please dont give me all the bullshit ah. tsk.
i wanna ignore and walk away, but damn, this is so unfair.

is it wrong to listen to oasis back again, even though they're an old band ? too bad, i've been listening to oldold songs nowadays. so yeah.

ohman, sometimes, i blabber unneccessarily.

school has been good. but not the lecture's def. to me, anatomy class is awesome and interesting. but, of course not the FON class. Tsk, history of nursing ? how can it help me in my future ?

i'm kinda disappointed with you even though, its no point and you wouldnt know about it. you've changed. or maybe you have been always like this, you're just putting a drama all the way with me. but yeah, like i said, no point. and of course, why the hell bother.
hell, kickass ah lu.

I NEED A JOB, FAST. SCHOOL IS KILLING ME WITH THE THINGS I HAVE TO BUY.

been oasis-ing this few days, and also gun and roses-ing. feels so nostalgic. no idea why.

oh and yes, i can't be late anymore, like seriously no more! two times, is just enough.
HAHA. yes. i was late for nearly an hour for the first day and 15mins for the second day. *shakes head and slaps head.
i must add this, the school is so effing huge. sometimes, i just feel like giving up after not being able to find a certain building. HAHA.
(:

mad jack.

2010-04-20T01:09:00.006+08:00

OKAYYY FINALLY MY SISTER DID UPLOAD.
but I ain't putting all up now.
cause' i have school tomorrow. i know, it has been months since I've said that. but, I do.

Just look at the chocolate cake. man, those are effing awesome. i want to eat somemore ah dey!

& oh, my friend's band made a new song called bloodlust. i wish to put here, somehow. must find out how.

OKAY, I WANNA TAKE A NIGHT TRAIN AND VISIT PARADISE CITY TONIGHT.

i guess that beat danroll's one.

" I send you to paradise city only to find out the signboard says 'welcome to the jungle' ! "

GOODNIGHT.

i remember how it feels like to know love, and have it taken away.

2010-04-18T23:43:00.002+08:00

Don't go away- Oasis. lovely, balls.
cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
about the things caught in my mind
and as the day is dawning my plane flew away
with all the things caught in my mind

and I don't wanna be there when you're coming down
and I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

so don't go away
say what you say
but say that you'll stay
forever and a day in the time of my life
'cause i need more time
yes, i need more time, just to make things right

damn my situation and the games i have to play
with all the things caught in my mind
damn my education i can't find the words to say
about the things caught in my mind

and I don't wanna be there when you're coming down
and I don't wanna be there when you hit the ground

so don't go away
say what you say
but say that you'll stay
forever and a day in the time of my life
'cause i need more time
yes, i need more time, just to make things right

me and you what's going on?
all we seem to know is how to show the feelings that are wrong

so don't go away
say what you say
but say that you'll stay
forever and a day in the time of my life
'cause i need more time
yes, i need more time, just to make things right

and don't go away
say what you say
but say that you'll stay
forever and a day in the time of my life
'cause i need more time
yes, i need more time, just to make things right (x3)

OHMYGOD. MAD JACK IS JUST OH-SO-AWESOME, BALLS.
no kidding. i ate pasta and also there's dessert. and its a chocolate cake which just makes me feel so awesome. HAHAHA. whatthecrap.

i will upload the pictures when my sister uploads it up in facebook, which i have a feeling will take ages.

but i had an awesome time with them. after so long, finally all came. well, firdaus dint follow along. crazy ass. it was worth the blanja-ing.

school tmr. hell, i feel so excited. no idea what to wear. HAHA.
will update tmr then.

night.

2010-04-18T19:48:00.002+08:00

I miss you suddenly DEY. Haiya.
But this can't go on man.
:(

I deleted my recent status cause I don't want you to know. And I know you won't come across the blog anyway.

champagne supernova.

2010-04-18T15:12:00.006+08:00

CONSTIPATED FACE, MUCH ? hahaha.
tsktsk.

ah yes. sorry for the previous post.
tsk.

Don't look back in ANGER.

yes, dont look back. (:

Ive been listening the driveway on replay.
I just feel so attached to it, without knowing any reason why.

After 12, not so well
Won't pretend, it's too soon to tell
What's round this bend?
No disgrace, about face
Anything not to have to chase you down again
You know nothing hurts like loosing
When you know it's really gone
Except for the pain of choosing
To hold too long

[Chorus:]
I tried it your way
But I got nothing to show
It's been the same, same
And the story's getting old
So I guess the driveway
Will be the end of the road
For us it's too late
Let the credits start to roll

[Verse 2:]
A lot to say
But not today
Let the radio break the silence
As we drive
A kiss goodbye
Not this time
Don't remember what about this song
I ever liked
You know nothing hurts like loosing
When you know I'm already gone
Except for the pain of choosing
To hold too long

[Chorus:]
I tried it your way
But I got nothing to show
It's been the same, same
And the story's getting old
So I guess the driveway
Will be the end of the road
For us it's too late
Let the credits start to roll

[Bridge:]
I thought maybe we were getting somewhere
But we're still nowhere at all
I watched your tail lights fading
I try but it still won't fall
I remember what it feels like to know love
And have it taken away
Can't think of what I've learned right now
But I'll be thanking you someday

[Chorus:]
I tried it your way
But I got nothing to show
It's been the same, same
And the story's getting old
So I guess the driveway
Will be the end of the road
For us it's too late
Let the credits start to roll

Let the credits start to roll
So I guess the driveway
Will be the end of the road,
End of the road

hmm, yesyes. and also have been listening to oasis. oh so awesome. it has been so long since I've listened to them. i'm surprised I'm still able to sing along to some! cheybahhh.

*i cant lie. you know, tsk, deep down it hurts to know that, you want her. at least thats what i think you want. haiz, but if you're happy, then anything goes. I'll just move forward.
the memory i wanna forget is goodbye. :(
thinking back, im surprised that actually i'm effing forgiving. well, i cant help it. i just found no point in holding grudges and being angry. cause the feeling doesnt fade.
but, yes. im slowly moving lors. not much memories to erase anyway. should be easier.
but, hell. i hate to admit, there are times i have the urge to just find you back, tell you that imysm. but then thinking again, fuck pearl, don't be an idiot. bloody retard. and luckily i have no other way to find him back other than fb. but, yes, never had the urge to find him there. hell, this is what happens when i forgive a person.
okay sorry. im talking about this again.
*shakes head.

ON A BRIGHTER NOTE,
MAD JACK TODAY.
yesyes, i know. ITS EXPENSIVE. but, nevermind lah. once in a lifetime.
80 bucks, you're leaving away from my bank now.
aww.

okay, gotta bath and buy stationary for school.
will update tonight, i guess.

pfftpfft!

2010-04-18T12:43:00.001+08:00

seriously, there's something wrong with me nowadays. I get angry easily and When a person scolds me for no apparent reason, I will retaliate back which I don't really do before.
But right now I'm Angry.

When I keep quiet and minding my business, you're putting words in my mouth, accusing me of thinking or planning something when actually I was indulging myself to the song.
like what the crap lah.

Now, I have to find a job. Yes, while schooling. Not that I don't want but seriously how? You all can. But where. My school finishes at five and Blablabla. I thought I wanna concentrate on studying. I mean, my attachment starts around june. But now, Aiya. Don't know lah. Now must go do some searching again.
And no, ain't that annoyed abt this.

I'm just annoyed that people are scolding and screaming at me when actually I wasn't even doing anything.

Oh Haiya, fuck lah.

:O

2010-04-18T03:49:00.003+08:00

I suddenly feel like I have no feelings. HAHA. okay, whatever. slowly, move on.
why do I suddenly have the missing feeling ? fuck imma weirdo lah.

MADJACK TMR DEYY.
AWESOME .

played pool today. i played one game. and obviously i lost. HAHA.
hey, but i did shoot 3 or 4 in a row but making the ball jump! so don't underestimate this lady aye.

school on monday. damn, which reminds me i have to print the timetable and get some pens for school. aiya, so goddamn troublesome.
I feel happy and at the same time scared. happy cause I cant wait to study. But scared to make friends. okay not scared lah. like i dont know. a feeling so unable for me to explain.

okay, my eyes is dying. i just type something so gribbrish.

night.

life.

2010-04-17T00:12:00.003+08:00

I know Ive stated that the previous post was my last post about the problem.
but, right now. i need to say this. Ignore everything I've said and just let things happen.
I know, Earlier I was angry and frustrated with you for doing this to me.
but today, I just realised that I was acting so stupid for doing all this to you. I mean, like blogging bad things about you.

Today, I wasn't angry anymore.
heard a phrase from this show :

You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it into someone's face.
But There's a third option which is you can just let it go.
and only when you do that is it really gone, then you can move forward.

which got me thinking. I mean I'm not angry with you anymore. Seriously. Yes, i'm hurt. But, I don't know ah, But i just feel like once you're no longer angry with the person anymore, then moving forward is easier.

I highly doubt you would come across this. but, I'm glad to know you're happy right now. Even though, I wasnt part of it.
Now, I know, i will start to miss you. But, dang, life has to go on what. why brood and be miserable for someone who will not be there for you anymore.

Next thing Ive learnt is that, Guys aren't the only bastard ones.
Girls too can play that game. But, i don't think I will ever do anything or make someone I once loved, be in trouble, no matter what they have done to me.
Usually the good ones, will be the one unable to get what they wants.
life is unfair.
so just deal with it.
Life, tsk. It is so unpredictable.

anw, watched kickass.
woo, am super elated I got through.
full of violence deyyy!

ohshit. my timetable.

it ends,

2010-04-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

plus irwan.

i'm sorry for yet, another emotional post. emotional, but I ain't crying. But my heart's feels so heavy.
i mean, i just got to know you actually had a deal ? okay, I'm glad it was a deal which states for 2 years. but, hey is that a deadline or what ? i mean, you should know your heart's not in it, why fake it that long ?
you know. Im not feeling sad that this ended. Im just sad that you can't say the truth. and then i had my intuitions and then this ?
seriously, i just feel like ah, fuck.
you can never get it, can never care. why am i labelled as such ? and why do people think I'm the one who caused all this ? I mean, i felt like this wasn't real, obviously i had to say to you, and clarify my doubts. which was true right.
seriously, yes, luckily it ended now. but seriously, whatever you did, it was just too harsh and unexpected from you.

you seriously did something to my heart. right now, it feels so fucked up.

'you stole my heart and then you kicked it away' - DAMN GIRL sang by the all american rejects.

nothing hurts like losing, till you know its already gone. - Miley Cyrus.

I'm letting go. i mean I have been for a week now. but all i'm so ever upset is all ive mentioned above. I mean, siala, i always believed you were different.
im not angry anymore. im just so disappointed, like fuck. after everything, you just do this.

somehow i hope you would correct me if ive said anything wrong. All this is based on my intuitions and whatever i thought you are. since, you have never cared what impression i had of you and never cared to make sure i have a good impression of you, then let's just stick to this impression i just had about you.

man, i swear, i'm speechless, and disappointed.
goodbye, seriously.
you are doing so good and easy now, aren't you. i don't know. I don't wanna accuse anything. just felt like you are. well, i'm glad you're doing good.
this thing should be kinda easy cause its not a long term r/s but, i just don't know. the truth, the intuitions, the things i get to know just make me upset even more.

from now on, not referring to any matter in particular, i don't wanna get involve in stuffs that has no relations with me.

i got to stop posting shits about you. but i just dont know where to turn and let exactly everything i wanted to say, out. i mean, im much better with saying everything down, than telling everything out.

shifting off away from the above topic.
last day at work tomorrow. got to know kickass is M18. how kickass bullshit is that. *shakes head.
haiz, problems today never seem to end, do they ? they just keep piling & piling up.
I hope it will better tomorrow, wait, today i mean.

goodnight. i wanna go to bed, in like 15-20 minstime ?

and also, will relink you people back soon.

the driveway,

2010-04-15T00:15:00.003+08:00

okay! No one, No one. Have ever made me this pissed. I swear if you were in front of me, i would've hurled vulgraties and sarcasm at your face. i think this anger is also about those things i kept way back. okay, wait. I know, being angry over something you have no evidence about is totally bull. but, I had intuitions. I know, fuck my intuitions, always made me feel so fucked up. I can just let this intuition go, but i realised i had other intuitions before, and hell, they were true. Furthermore, Somehow seeing some things just made me trust my intuitions even more. Fuck, i have never planned on hating anybody. Never planned. Even though, I'm trying not to.
Seriously. If my intuition were true. Just wanna let you know, Karma exist. They appear without you noticing. I know, cause i think i had mine.
Everybody who knows me, knows that I'm not this kind of revengeful or the type of person who holds grudges. People who knows me also should know that I'm not that type who gets angry too easily. But when I do, i Get bloody sarcastic, and during the time, i can't control myself. i may not look like i'm capable of such thing but dont judge a person by its cover. Im way more than you think I am, seriously.

look, i don't care with whatever fucking thing you're gonna do with your life. I've just decided that today. Cause fuck hell, why should I even fucking bother when you don't give two shits about me. obvious much ? if not you would have cared and took interest in how i was doing. but hey there, fuck where the hell are you.
But, SERIOUSLY, let me repeat, if I ever get to know, that this intuition were true. damn, I would be so darn hurt. I mean, fuck. Where the fuck is your feelings for others ? Firstly do you even care how i would react to such things, after everything you did. I don't care about whatever you think. yes, fuck. it hurts, like hell. but, I can't help it if i'm a forgiving person. and if it was true. if there's any chance i get to spit those sarcasm back at you. i would, i would. everything, every sarcasm that i had saved since that day. every bullshit you gave me, i have a sarcasm answer back.

if its true, I be fucking speechless. I never expect that from you, even though somehow deep down, i thought such thing can happen. haiya. fuck lah. why am i being so contradictive now? dang, im sucha weirdo. *shakes heads.

lastly, i dont hate you. never will, never will happen cause, ... oh well, i dont wanna say it anymore.
but whatever happening, just doesnt seem like you.

and also, why did i fall too deep ?
:(

okay, those who reads this, don't judge too quickly about whom i'm referring to. sometimes, its not who you think it is. the things i say here, can be referring to many many people. actually yes, it does. & i'm not lying, seriously lors.

but heyy, no point in brooding over something or someone who has never returned the way you treated them. I'm glad, I'm quite optimistic. If not. tsk, i dont even wannna think about it.
this was supposed to be easier. but, i just dont know lah.

haiz. why must I be so intuitive ? *shakes head.

but lastly. i'm so gonna miss working. what's with the people and nice aunties. aiya.

i think i know why i feel as such. cause work ending. daaaaaaaaaaang.

and oh, you. yes you. imysm, i guess.

i'm better.

2010-04-14T00:15:00.003+08:00

hey, to any possible readers. My eyelids may die on me soon, but i just need to post something.

currently, I wanna enjoy and appreciate the awesome people who has been there for me always.
how am I ? You know, I'm glad I'm fueled with optimism. Cause that's the only thing that got me thinking. Why bother in being miserable and crying and being sad ? Oh, easier. Fuck why bother?
Yes, the <3 I had for you will not fade and I bet if we were to ever rekindle anything again, those hidden feelings i kept will come back. But, i chose not to think that i miss you, and i love you. no wait, actually nowadays, i don't miss you. Cause i thought, fuck, why waste on missing someone who doesn't feel the same way towards you? yes, sometimes, i get vulnerable and i thought about every possible scenarios. Like, how would i feel if you were to be with an another one. I get so darn jealous. but then again, oh fuck why bother.
esp, today. it was supposedly to be our 5 mths. and a week since we broke up. i thought i would be disturbed and miserable the whole day. but on the way to work, I thought again, oh why give a fuck. i bet you dint even remember, cause sometimes before you dint.

you know, i sat down and comptemplated(?) about EVERYTHING you said. everything, yes i remembered everything you said. so be careful about what you say, i may not say anything to you, but through your words, i can somehow decipher whatever you have been keeping. anws, you know what, hell, you said a whole lot of bull. A WHOLE LOT. or maybe, just everything you said. it was never the truth- (okay maybe some was truthful.) and to me it was more like your words spoke louder than your actions.

yes, i'm hurt. broken. but, i can't help it if i'm such a forgiving person. I don't hold grudges towards people. like i mentioned, i can forgive but don't hope on me forgetting everything.

apart from all that, yes. you helped me in some ways in my life. and I thank you for that. you left some memories, good ones, and bad ones. please study hard, even after everything, i still care about you. your studies and health. that's all.
I don't wanna lead myself on anymore. yes, still in the process of getting over you, and i doubt i will any sooner. So, goodbye.

ON AN ANOTHER NOTE.
I have many awesome people around. My friends and my Cousins and siblings, of course. Work was oh so awesome. No matter how nonsense and crappy they get, They somehow made my day.

i realised i became wiser. heeeeeeeee. i mean, people grow up, they will get wiser what!

* they say. Time will tell. Time will heal. But time isn't a bullet train. The process is killing me. Can it go any faster, i wanna get over this easier.

aww, my last week at work. how effing sad. :( gonna miss working.

okay i gotta shut my eyes.
i have been trying to keep myself occupied and pushing myself too hard.
my body aches. everything aches.

*yawn. goodnight.

goodbye, morphine.

2010-04-10T13:10:00.002+08:00

Over You - Daughtry.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

the only song that got made me feel okay after feeling fucked up.
anws, i finally realised it is no point, so I guess it is time to say goodbye and time to let you go.
i realised that I'm better off without you. More than you, more than you know.

I'll try not to update anymore statuses relating to you.
you said too many bull that broke my hearttttttttttttttttttttt. i don't hate you. I just hate that i ♥ you, very much. but it is all gonna end. i just realised I'm much happier. WOOO. anws, study hard.

on a brighter note, I'm watching CLASH OF THE TITANS. wooooooo.

have a good day people.

2010-04-06T23:32:00.005+08:00

relationship ended.
all i wanna say now is my heart is like a glass mirror that has been smashed from the twelve stories to the first. i'm hurt. hurt, tremendously.
why. well because of everything. I'm not going to say why it ended.
but yes, i have to stop loving you and forget you, no matter how hard it gets.
i can forgive but i will never forget. everything you say stays etched in my mind, like it is part of my brain cells. every good memories, every bad will always be there. my heart is broken and well, hard to piece it back. but hey, life needs to go on. Nearly 5 months, I should be glad everythings out. thus no more pretense.

just so you know if you happen to come by, of which i highly doubt so. but whatever, my <3 for you was true, sincere and i fell too, too deep. i <3 you hell loads, more than you can imagine.

for now, its time to move on.
yes, ill miss you. but we can't keep brooding over the same thing.

i'm just damn hurt. not gonna state why here. i <3 you alot, and this happens. and the truth really hit me hard, just like a tight slap on my face. i know i knew it long ago but hearing you admit it breaks it even more.

right now, im angry with myself. i should'nt have done whatever i've done that day. stupid bitch, i am. tsk.
well when you're vulnerable and feeling damn hurt, all i wanted was a tight hug. from... you.

oh well, nuff said. shit happens and things happens for a reason. i'm thinking positive but going thru this is difficult. but IF you can move on so easily then i guess i can too. and if others can do it, def i can too.
its just that its the first time, and the decision was unpredictable. i just don't know how to stop <3-ing you.

goodnight people.

no guarantee that this was easy!

2010-03-15T22:09:00.006+08:00

Okay. enough of those posts that never made sense to anybody. just some scrambled thoughts which I can't say out but, writing it down makes it seems so easy.

days seems so slow, and so boring.
oh well.

first day at my job today. How was it ? It was kinda boring cause' I sat and did practically nothinG
the whole day. well, they dint have anything much for me to do. I do hope I'll be busy tomorrow. I hate to do nothing, and tend to daydream or fall asleep. hee.
Using adult fare is really unfair. and my fare is finishing by tmr. aww, damn. I need money fast.
:(

okay, I wanna stop blogging already. cause I hate to blog when somebody's around.

Time will tell, whether everything is true.
I got used to not wait. cause' I get so god damn disappointed. But I hate it that Deep deep down, I'm still stubbornly hopeful.
the truth is, I was never convinced nor did I believed everything you say. Not that I don't trust you but It seems so incredulous.
but, still I ♥ you, despite all the hurts. aww, crap.
when will you realise aye ?

goodnight.

2010-03-11T11:55:00.002+08:00

♥ longeyelashes.

life's not easy anymore.
I know I said things but, up till now , nothing.
I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna work anything out anymore.
I know things will not be okay anymore.
& I'm feeling so tired of thinking. my appetite is lost. damn .

all i wanna do now is start schooling and spend myself studying.
things happen, mistakes done.

fuck.

2010-03-07T23:53:00.006+08:00

Life is so unpredictable.
Life is so unfair.
Life is never easy.
Life is so full of ups & downs.
Life is so full of bullshit.
Life is never,ever easy.

Not everyone gets what they deserve. They just get what they gets. Life's not fair, get used to it.

The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs. The truth is already out. You don't.

Whatever happens, I still treat you as what you are supposed to be even though you don't treat me as one.

Stories got mixed up, got changed and got told in a TOTALLY different way, which caused you to misinterept. Yes, some of it were true, but some were told differently.
Telling the truth now seems so useless and wasted.

Yes, I know. I din't mean it to turn out as worse as it seemed right now. But, nothing can change whatever is happening now. I can't bear all this cold war and tension that I'm feeling right now. Yes, I somehow made all this to happen. But like I said, stories went out in a different way and like I mentioned again, what's the point of telling the truth and also what's the point of sitting down and discussing things when the problem has led to this.

I know. Saying I'm sorry is bull. But, I said it anyway. & I meant it. Even if you din't accept it.

My brain is going haywire with this problem and also with this poly enrollment package.

My eyes is dying on me and my brain feels oblivious.
I feel so scared to face tomorrow and how I wished I wasn't such a feeble girl.

I hope, facing you all tomorrow weren't awdward and hurtful as it did today.
But, that's bull. It will still be awdward and it will still hurt.

All i want is to just get through the morning without facing any criticism or anything. I prefer silence and ignorance. I hope, I don't have to go up to you all and ask questions.
When I'm done with my morning, I wanna go out and solve my poly things.
And poof, suddenly I'm restricted. Trust you ? Trust you that it will change. Change to become what ? I don't see any possible change. I hate it when you start asking me to do this and that. As if, I hasn't been doing so before this problem cropped up. Ask me to endure everything ? I'm vulnerable and I can't take this. I endured and tried to be patient. But, I can't. Well, what do you know. I just wish again, I wasn't so feeble. and I wish, I'm strong enough to make decisions for myself. Strong enough to say it all out. Strong enough to stand by my decisions. You don't get how I feel. I've made a decision but damn, I can't stand by it cause' you wanna work your way. FULL OF BULL.
& I wish I'm able to meet my bf. Imissyou.

goodbye. I don't update much.

ah, hell.

2010-02-19T02:13:00.003+08:00

a blog to rant to.

everything is falling apart. they have already given up on us. not even caring about us.
yes, we haven't been good. but still, we don't need this kind of treatment.
what happened today really made me feel that my siblings is more important than them or any other people.
my mind is really messed up.

i don't hate them. it's just that ... oh. i myself find such things difficult to explain.

i wanna talk to my bf, i wanna laugh. but duh obviously he is asleep.

goodnight. if i somehow manage to sort my thoughts through, i'll explain more.

like i give a shit about them anymore.

2010-02-18T00:08:00.003+08:00

the cousins little adventure. (:
Thinking back, I just realised how much nonsense we did together when we were young. Like playing catching, pulling down the Apek pants and every accidents and little fights we have. we were together always every saturday, mostly. annoying each other, laughing and just enjoying. ohhboy, they are damn awesome.
(:

see this awesome cute baby !
her name is ZIA FARADINA.
AWW, damn cute right.

well, new addition to the family.

awesome fan clubs that makes me go ' holy cow, that is soo true. '
- Parents only say ' Don't answer back ' when they know they're getting owned.
how awesome-ly true. lose already then admit defeat lah! tsk.
- The worst feeling ever is not knowing whether you should wait or give up.
crap. i totally argee with this. this especially makes me feel like shit & makes my brain go haywire and also it fucks around with my emotions.
- i create scenarios in my head that will never happen in real life.
ohwell, you don't know what goes around my head. hee.

and some other fanclubs. HAHA. (:

& about ferra bday, will elaborate more when she has uploaded the photos yeah.

goodnight, people.

i pretty much told many people about it. & somehow, i just don't care anymore. i can't wait to get myself busy and i won't listen to your ramblings.