Wednesday, September 29, 2010 11:27 PM /
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my heart feels so weirdly broken. But hey its all my fault. Haha, I'm okay. Really I am.
Sometimes I thank him for making me such a strong girl. And also I thank him for ending it all. See who came into my life now. An awesome fatty molecule. Someday I wish to pinch your fats just to wake you up. Hees, nightmares.
danial Farihin's
happy one month my bf.
Hee, I miss you so damn much leh, nearly 2 weeks never meet, damn. Heh.
You fatty, I love you. From strangers to best close friends, four months ago, became someone so important.
Thank you for everything baby. Be sure, I will make you happy(!
Wished could make it longer but I'm falling asleep alr.
<3
Labels: fatsmonthsary.
morning.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 11:32 AM /
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Me miss my mummy:(
Seeing hospital or being in one reminds me of her, no matter which hospital I'm in.
She's a pretty lady. My sister got her looks I bet. Me.. People say I'm just like her. So the type who keeps to myself and keeps quiet. Hard to believe.
Coming to 10 years now. How time flies. I don't have many memories cause I was young. Maybe just one or two. I don't really know her well I guess. But I know she's an awesome mother. I heard stories. I was young back then. And I have short term memory.
Sitting in my kitchen while eating or just sitting there always reminds me of her.
Mummmmyyyyy I miss youu. I don't know how you'll cheer me up when I'm down or sad, cause I bet you know what an emotional brat I am. But I bet you'll do an awesome job. My sister is doing a good job in taking care of me as that was what you told her to do bfre everything.
Why this random topic? No idea cause I felt like I nver really talked about her much, I guess.
Ooh half an hour more to rest. Then off to get ready to the hospital. Four more daaaaaaaaays. Woohoo & boohoo at the same time. Heh. I'm so gonna miss some of my patientssssssssss. Missy me yo Liao!
sighs, everybody's enjoying their holidays. Mine coming soon. I bet I won't enjoy my holidays. Cause what am I gonna do? Who am I gonna go out with? Everybody so busyyy. Ish sodeh.
finally.
It was me all along.
" Nobody does, it shows." It broke my heart so badly. It tears me up for hours.
Really shows how selfish I am. Shows how bad I am. Shows how sucky I am.
He's a good bf. I just don't know what's my problem till that sentence.
Goodnight. I love you baby. I really do. I've really lost my appetite to eat. Goodbye cooked ramen. Goodnights.
good moments don't last forever.
Monday, September 27, 2010 10:23 PM /
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another post, dint want mix with the previous one cause its a two different story.
Firstly, attachment is kinda tiring, but seriously I would miss my patients. Some patient which I'm close too, were discharged during the weekends and its sad, I dint get to say goodbye. This may not be the profession I had in mind at first. But since I'm here, why bother thinking and regretting, might as well make the best out of it right?
Secondly, bad feelings sucks right? The last bad feeling I had came true. The feeling was that I was gonna get hurt. And I did a few months ago. Not saying I'm psychic or anything, but my bad feelings usually came true. And this time I have a feeling that I'm gonna get hurt again. Sighs, I just don't know. Boo this sucks, knowing something's gonna hurt you real bad. :(
A few months back, I thought telling the truth would hurt, but not knowing would hurt worser. But right now, somehow I felt like I shouldn't have known anything, and somehow the truth doesn't matter anymore. I'm confused.
Well, life is confusing. It's a bitch. Real bitch.
Nights.
Labels: words.
:)
okay well lets get back to the letters.
A letter to my parents.
This is a bit hard, but its okay. Ill keep it short and simple. We are not in good terms now. But I hope y'all forgive my stupid behaviour and I appreciate every little thing you've done for me, deep inside. It saddens me sometimes, looking at happy families in public, but when I think again, I don't blame y'all. I guess its us, maybe. I miss those previous outings we used to have way back then, but I know things will not change, and of course ill accept it. Whatever it is, I love you both.
But things are just too... Complicated.
Labels: broken puzzle.
Sunday, September 26, 2010 11:02 PM /
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good thing about reflections. They do wonders(except causing my headaches).
I've decided to play hide and seek with my feelings. I may go Haha, but for all you know its the opposite. I guess that's better than causing other misery whatsoever.
I miss my late mum.
dont all girls just hate pms ?
i dont really have those mood swings but it all being to start in the morning.
at the end of the day, bf had to endure it even though he said something so harmless. okay wait, i endured it at the end of the day cause he slept cause i guessed he got tired figuring me out. ohwell. yes, after that, my mood swings was really hard to handle. even now.
just wanna say sorry to bf cause i was being very unreasonable and immature. i can go on bringing myself down, but i guess ill keep all negativity to myself. urgh, i hate myself right now.
EXHAUSTED AND TIRED.
Thursday, September 23, 2010 10:33 AM /
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Hello.
quick update: I'm having attachment, and I can't wait to get it done & over with. I'm just very exhausted that's all. Sometimes I think twice about continuing this profession. But its too late already. Might as well live with it.
Very exhausting. And kinda making it hard for me to meet people and do things I wanna do.
Hari Raya was of course awesome because of my cousins & siblings. And also my boyfriend, who accompanied me thru msges cause he knew how I felt earlier.
And yes above is a picture taken at woodlands waterfront. when we were there, we felt like we were being fried. There's not much shelter, and only phase one was built. After that we went to pasir ris, cause I wanted to get my riceeeeeeeeeeee. Awesome balls.
Finally having signed up to student plan. Yayness. I know I'm slow but whatever. Hee.
I'm hugging patrick now. And I'm falling asleep. Hell ! I have to go to work later. 1 to 9pm. gawd, I would feel more drained. Lincah la habis!
Oh but despite me wanting to end attachment
fast, but the elderly there are super cute. heh.
Sigh I miss my fats. awesome bf la that one.
Labels: LIFE.
heh.
Thursday, September 16, 2010 12:55 AM /
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It feels different doesn't it? :( sighs the good times don't always last. But ill still be the same (:
----------------------------------------------------------
Anws, a letter to my sibling.
Well. I'm grateful towards all my siblings: it may look like I don't appreciate whatever you've done. But I do.
And specially for my younger sister.things may be complicated now, but you & me we are stillthe same. But I guess you don't treat me the same way huh? Whtever it is I love you all. And I miss the old times. Everythings different now, sadly.
DF<3
Sunday, September 12, 2010 10:37 PM /
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I find that this is all so unfair towards you. Seriously it does. This isn't what you expect: I'm sorry. Oh so very much.
Life has karma. Looks like I'm getting mine as days goes by. Though I hope karma won't make me lose you. If karma existed, that is. If karma gave me that punishment, I guess I'll be a totally different person. A totally withdrawn and pessimistic person.
If all this is too much for you too handle please tell me. I don't wanna burden you too much.
I was supposed to give you happiness.
Life is kinda fucked now. Prolly karma is working. Yeah I deserve it maybe, after all the conflicts i've done for everybody. Maybe, just maybe it's my fault, cause karma seems to be pointing at me.
I'm not really sure if karma even existed but this really shows alot. One by one.
Despite everything, I'm thankful for his company and care. He's innocent yet he had to feel so down for me.
Karma can do Anything to me, but please don't take him away:(
Danial farihin's.
Saturday, September 11, 2010 11:43 PM /
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I miss & love my fatty:(
Shitloads!
hey.
Friday, September 10, 2010 12:15 PM /
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Selamat hari raya to everybody. And I apologise for every stupid things I've said & done. I really do.
On another note, I miss the old times. When I was young and so free of problems. There's only one person im sad for which is my younger sister. So young, so innocent yet involved in such huge matters. Whatever happens, I have nothing against my sister, and I believe everybody should treat her like a child. And let her celebrate with her cousins and all. But heck, people are just so egoistic nowadays aren't they ?
Kristalinia, you may not see this. But I just feel like saying it. I love you and I apologised deeply for everything that has happened causing you to not be able to celebrate.
Sometimes in life you have to be forgiving and you got to face the fact that people makes mistakes. And also you also got to look back and think about why this happened. It dint happened out of nowhere, of course something made this happened.
On a brighter note, I miss my boyfriend. And youu. Don't be sad just because in this post I sound sad. I'm happy cause of you. Hee. <3
hari raya.
Thursday, September 9, 2010 6:28 PM /
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Hari raya tomorrow. I'm not ready to face tomorrow. It's hard to be like this. :(
I'm so confused and mostly lost. I don't know what you want. Either you want me to help or not. If I do you have smth to say. If I don't you say smth else. So what now. Hmm.I don't know.
Can I wake up on a Saturday morning or maybe Sunday? I'm feeling so lost right now. I don't want history to repeat itself with me being quite a mess:(
I have nowhere to vent all this sometimes. So sorry if my posts seems ever so confusing and sad.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010 5:50 AM /
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yeah I know. The letters. I will do it. later I'm doing my last paper. So after that I'm effing free, not to mention sleep. Ah.
Okay in the wee hours of morning decided that sociology is all about understanding rather than memorizing. So I'm reading, but very slow !
Plus in this wee hour of morning, I feel scared.
Maybe is because
1. I'm scared of my paper later, I bet I'm gonna fail.
2. I did study, but I'm scared ill go blank.
3. I'm scared that he may get bored of me, if I persists:( but I really miss you !
5. And also I need a hug.
randomballs.
Thursday, September 2, 2010 10:55 PM /
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I so irritated and annoyed till I wanna just cry. Tsk. Annoying laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Bdjskcjkjxjkskzmsmm. Sorry! Fb has too many status and too many not needed eyes!
And fuck I wanna study laaaaaa. I should just die. :(