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life's a game, but its not fair.
much loves, pearlly.
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draceania pearl-linnia!
Finally seventeen. 01november1992. Lepidopterophobia : butterflies freak me out.
I find myself better at expressing through words than saying it out to someone.
siblings, cousins and channing tatum makes me happy(: !
i have fetish for british accents and i feel a sense of euphoria listening to music and i love to read.
I've learnt many things in life.
I believe everybody makes mistakes.I'm not the only one who makes mistakes. Just think of all the ones you made.
And don't think so negative about yourself. If you do, you will never think you can.
I try to be optimistic but not too optimistic.
stupid. fuck. i've never felt the burning anger in myself bfre. the urge to just scream is piling. i guess too many anger that i have yet to burst. yeah, i'm chilled now but this anger is turning into something else. i'm sorry to people who i've talked rudely to, but i just don't know what to say.
and yes, you. if you think you're that good, then thats your bloody problem. i won't change just to please you. you wanna know why i'm like this. just because of you. i'm never like this to other people, only you. nobody taught me to be as such, and if you were to accuse somebody for making me as such, you should just go and fly kite. annoying much. i am what i am because of you. i have my limits. and oh, stories never ends, because of you. why can't you just accept that people make mistakes huh. i realised mine and pretty much shut myself up, ignoring your life. i'm annoyed, i keep quiet, its wrong. i dint keep quiet, its wrong. then what the crap you want from me. i dont wanna be rude. seriously, but people have their anger and limits. today, after everything, ive reached mine. seriously lah fuck. say what you wanna say, do what you wanna do. i don't care, i don't give a shit and i definitely don't wanna give a fuck anymore. yes, it may hurt me, but seriously i can't do anything about it.
on a different story, now I know you'll never be there for me. thanks. now, the person who always liven up my spirit, making me feel better after feeling sucky is not gonna be there anymore, so how now.
this is like my personal twitter and Facebook. I don't wanna create twitter and not gonna update in Facebook.
ill just update things here like updating a status, whenever I feel like It. I'm glad not many read my blog, easier to express.
2 things. Don't say things you don't feel out of pity. No point lying what you heart don't feel. You're only leading a person on.
And hell, I find no point in proving a point to a person who thinks they know everything and always wanna win. I bloody hell know what I said and what I dint. Stop thinking you're all that, lah.
I've made a huge... I don't know if its a mistake. But yes, I did it. Argh. Fuck, why the fuck did i.... BooHoo, I don't know how things gonna be like. But damn. I swear I hate myself for doing such things. Things will def change, I'm telling you. My head hurts, feels so light-headed. Heart? Feels so. I don't know. But I feel effing pathetic. Craphole. I always don't listen to my mind. I'm full of poo. fuckfuck.
I don't know where things are gonna go from here. Seriously me, myself. What am I gonna do? I have no idea. But, I'm gonna try, hard.
anger management problem, please just go and correct it yourself. don't shove it on others, fuck, i hate it.
sidetracked.
gosh, i'm so sorry. but i need to spill this. i can't take it anymore. i can't lie anymore. i can't be in denial anymore. i'm still the same. cyber sucks. i wished i never seen such things that may make me feel used and my heart abused. i'm sorry for yet another post. but i can't help it. everybody including you thinks,yes a month plus already so pretty sure everythings gone. but to tell you the truth, no. nothing changed. I guess my reaction towards this thing was effing slow and all this is taking over me esp nights. i'm sorry if i'm fueled with overwhelming jealousy but that's how it is. something just strucked me a few minutes ago, that its the end. yes, i know. why now then i realised it? i swear i have no shit idea. nothing can ever change already, nothing. i just wish this was easy. no its not. i don't know what ive done for the one month, but that def wasnt it. there was hope deep down.
okay, I don't want to hope cause yes I know nothing will happen today, tomorrow and pretty much everyday. It was just one catch-ups session. I don't want to feel so hopeful and be disappointed in the end. I'm not hoping, okay maybe a wee bit. But I got to shoo this thing away.
Thus, I'm gonna soak myself in biology. Pretty hard to concentrate but, I got to try. There's a test balls. So lets go biology! the only way is to just blast music and then study.
Oh Damn, please ulcers, go away. there's like two of them, side by side. Heal and go away, you MF. Heee.
Damn, so many projects to do. Had psychology tutorial just now, and that was the best tutorial I've ever had since the first day. No kidding. I mean, we did a case study on signs of depression, on heath ledger. Heath ledger, you know the guy who played joker in Batman. Yeah him. and also gonna do more case study about other people too. Thinking about brittany murphy.
HAHA, I'm such an idiot, while studying can pause to blog using mobile.
Biology,Damn you. You bore me halfway balls. heeee.
Okay, Damn got to stop already.
I gotta say yes, I miss you, but then again we don't always get what we want.
okay, I don't want to hope cause yes I know nothing will happen today, tomorrow and pretty much everyday. It was just one catch-ups session. I don't want to feel so hopeful and be disappointed in the end. I'm not hoping, okay maybe a wee bit. But I got thing away.
Thus, I'm gonna soak myself in biology. Pretty hard to concentrate but, I got to try. There's a test balls. So lets go biology! the only way is to just blast music and then study.
Oh Damn, please ulcer, go away. there's like two of them, side by side. Heal and go away, you MF. Heee.
Damn, so many projects to do. Had psychology tutorial just now, and that wa the best tutorial I've ever had since the first day. No kidding. I mean, we did a case study on signs of depression, on heath ledger. Heath ledger, you know the guy who played joker in Batman. Yeah him. and also gonna do more case study about other people too. Thinking about brittany murphy.
HAHA, I'm such an idiot, while studying can pause to blog using mobile.
Biology,Damn you. You bore me halfway balls. heeee.
Okay, Damn got to stop already.
I gotta say yes, I miss you, but then again we don't always get what we want.
sorry. I'm gonna spout some things that may not sound sensible.
Lieslieslies, seriously go fly kite and reflect. Reflect balls. this kind of people who say things but dint mean it a second later, should just go and rot away. how awesome, you don't even feel guilty about what you've done. And now, you wanna work on another one. How I wish I could express things freely, but I just can't. whatever you say is still freshly etched in my mind. and i know I've said it many times. But it was all bull. cock and bull. So now, I suggest you go fly kite one side and be pathetic. Tsk.
not appreciative at all.
Seriously, I know its not worth it but crap, it hurts okay. Hurts like crap! Fuckfuckfuck.
:'(
I'm that fool that has fell into your sweet craps and got smashed like Ayam penyet! Next time go eat sweet lah.
Okay, 2010, you are much more worse than 2009. Seriously. You're showing signs. Signs of us having a fucked up year. Bloody hell. One by one.
I just don't why but I worry for people unnecessarily. Even to those whom I was never close to, who I've only see and not talk with, I get worried.
Yes, right now, as I can see, many people aren't doing so good. I feel the same way. And obviously, its not wrong to feel low or cry. And also sharing with a person is also good.
But. Please don't even think about inflicting yourself. Like, suicide or cut yourself or anything lah. Shit happens, balls! A lot of times it happens. And we just have to go through it. You causing hurt to yourself makes people worry even more. Sometimes we just have to accept things and move. I know I'm not doing a good job but, I'm trying. People learn along the way.
I realised that most of the kind-hearted and good people suffer more. People who have been nice and patient, will be the one facing Shit, would be the one being hurt, right now. Now, life is really unfair. yeah, its a test but somehow, its just unfair.
What goes around comes around. Karma bites, balls! Heee.
Sometimes we do things knowing its wrong in the mind, but we do it anyway, cause they follow their hearts. Yes, follow your heart, blablabla. I did and now see. sometimes, it just doesn't work that waaaaaay.
God, school on a labour day. Crazy balls!
Ah, hell! What can we do, live our life as per normal and accept things as it is. just go with the flow.
I know things aren't good right now, but have a good day people.
Ilovethem to bits cause they are the ones who will always be there other than my siblings. :D
And of course, Faradina♥ ! She's awesomely cute and I wanna watch her grow. Chubby baby.
Had the urge to blog. well, it's nearly 4am. and most of the time, at this time, my mind would be filled with thoughts.
the past few posts were so goddamn scrambled cause' i had to just let it out. tsk. life has been hard. but then, i don't hate it, cause I have to live with it for... more years to come. i hadn't had a very good post lately, so let's have it since I have alot of free time, for right now. And also I had my sleep earlier. From 10plus to 2am. The best sleep I've ever had for so long.
School's started and the third week is coming.
3-4 days to a month since everything's ended, and tsk. I'm still ...
I've cut my hair.
My appetite has been out of control. :(
And, through everything, I realised alot of things.
1. School. Hmm, it's good. Had some difficulties adapting though. I'm not good when it comes to a new environment. In fact, I suck at it. But hell yeah! The first day was pretty lonely, but as days goes by, I'm slowly being myself with the new people. The modules are effing difficult. I don't know where I adapted the habits of sleeping in class, alot. i meanm yes i do sleep during my secondary times. but it wasnt that much like how I'm right now. I mostly shut off in almost all of the lectures. I can't seem to just listen and absorb everything in my brain. And i'm losing out on alot of things. i'm glad i realised it now, cause I'm gonna start studying like veryvery soon. biology, history of nursing-ohplease!, anatomy and sociology & psychology. I just have to endure History of nursing, even though i hate it. urgh. the reason why i hate it cause i find no point in something that has no use in being a nurse. Is the patient gonna ask who is Florence Nightingale ? hell no, the patients just wanna get themselves treated. HAHA. ohwell, i just have to anyway. i wanna try to get a GPA of above three. study well balls! :D
2. ohwell, need i say more. pretty much most of those scrambled posts was about you. as much as i keep acting like i'm okay with everything, actually deep down, gosh. i still feel fucked up. you know, it's weird but everytime when i accidentally bumped into you, i had a feeling earlier that i would see you. tsk. and hell yes. you can't fool me cause' i kinda know alot of things. nobody told me anything. like i said, i'm very intuitive and sometimes when i see something, i have that feeling like, whatever intuition i had was true. and yes, finally it was. not gonna say here. but it sucks liking somebody who doesn't feel the same way. i guess you know now. i know you well, to know that you won't show you care but actually you do, deep down. me ? ah, well. i'm just okay. i have many notebooks that was filled with thoughts when we were still together. waiting for the day when i'm able to throw them all away. gosh, i'm glad i deleted your number straight after everything. and also i forced myself to forget your number. cause i was too dependant on you last time when i have problems. and currently yes, i do. and if i were to still have your number, ... oh well, let's not think of it. i can say alot more. but enough already. Just need to be optimistic. But then again, i'm doing good, just those times only.
3. yes, posted about this. my bangs. HAHA. most of the people commented that i look like a kid and i look cute. :) almost everybody said that i should keep this hairstyle. and yes, i plan too.
my view on this hair. YES I LIKE. HAHA. cause i'm finally free of trying to make sure my fringe dont get messed up. this bangs just lay in place. okay, it has its occasional bad days, but its okay. bangbang. but the sad thing is, its slowly getting frizzy already. i can feel it balls! holy coooow!
4. YES MY APPETITE! HOLY CRAP. ITS SERIOUSLY OUT OF CONTROL. i guess i eat cause it makes me happy. but then again, where the hell did i get that huge appetite from. my stomach don't usually be able to take it so much food. i mean, who the hell won't be full after eating spaghetti, some of chicken chop, fried chicken, fries. yes, all in one go. and i suffered alot in school. now, i;m known to be the girl who is always late and a girl who eats ALOT, in my poly life! One of my friends called me PFF. pretty french fries girl, she says. like what the crap. why pretty? i have no shit idea. but french fries, cause i would always buy the french fries almost all the time.HAHA. big eater, annoyed the crap out of me. and i mostly spend money on food!
and yes, i ate 5 nuggets and macspicy an hour ago, and i'm telling you, i'm still hungry ! i think my stomach has a hole, or worms as some might say.
5. People makes mistakes, with an S. and everybody got to accept that fact. and somehow or another someone got to forgive them. but sometimes, its effing annoying when a person just keep sucking up to your face about your mistakes. hating you, due to the mistakes you've done. nobody's perfect and everybody's different. and you can't make me be like you. cause i just wanna be like how i've always been.
i've got some imperfections but how can you collect them all and throw them in my face. - Staind.
& sometimes, you've got to forget how you feel and be treated like how you deserve. What's the point of being nice, always being there for them and only to be treated like crap. i know the feeling. sometimes, being too nice just gets you... nowhere but just getting you yourself hurt. be nice to people who deserve it. :)
impossible is nothing. tsk. bullshit much. okaylah, you got to accept that some things are JUST impossible, no matter how hard you try. like wanting to ace in your studies, that's possible if you study. but what about, forcing someone to like you. that's impossible. why force when they already like someone else. to me, thats just impossible and a waste of time. what about, ... i just don't know how to explain this example.
the simplest things are always the best.
tsk. mcm phm lah aku. -.- but dey, that's how i feel.
'if i chose to walk away, will you be right here waiting?'
its 4.43am. i took like almost an hour to post this. haha, was facebook-ing at the same time. my eyes is feeling tired, already.
staind, i'm finally listening to you back. sorry for the stupid video. just wanted the song.
& I'm a intuitive person. hell. they are all right. I just know things by inferring from what you say. and hell, im right again. so now, you're heartbroken, i guess? tsktsk. man, photos that appeared, they are so tak perlu for me to see. hits me hard eveeeeeeerytime. sucks balls!
Family.
They are the ones who have always made my life awesome. I can count on my siblings and cousins to make me laugh and I will always look forward to our outings. I'm always myself whenever I'm with them.
Friends.
My friends, are all different. We all have different characters but when we come together, we bond well. I can be crazy whenever i want to with them and I can share any shits with them. We laugh, we cry. I miss you, people.